Chances are you’ve heard about the incident a few nights ago, when Tomas Vokoun let in a Kovalchuk goal (as many goalies do), and Keith Ballard hit Vokoun in the head with his stick. It was a complete accident, as Ballard was trying to hit the goalposts and missed, but still provided for a scary moment when the stretcher came out.

While I’m sure Ballard has already apologized profusely to Vokoun, hitting a guy in the head with a stick isn’t exactly something that can be forgiven immediately. So, I’ve decided to help Ballard by compiling a list of ways he can make it up to Vokoun for almost pulling a Van Gogh.
 

1. Give him a “Get Well Soon!” card, with a personalized message for Vokoun written inside. I imagine something like this:



 

2. Remind Vokoun that, despite the pain he might be feeling right now, it still pales in comparison to the other teammate-inflicted injury in recent Panthers history.
3. Make him a playlist for his iPod. May I suggest these songs:

Hit Me Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar
American Idiot – Green Day
Bad Day – Daniel Powter
Hurt – Christina Aguilera
Lose Control – Missy Elliott
Pain – Jimmy Eat World
Misery – Good Charlotte
SOS – Rihanna
Hate (I Really Don’t Like You) – Plain White T’s
Get’cha Head In the Game – High School Musical
Hit Me Baby One More Time – Britney Spears
Bleed It Out – Linkin Park
I Don’t Really Like You – Skye Sweetnam
Hammerhead – The Offspring
Freak Out – Avril Lavigne

 

4. Offer to buy him dinner every time the incident is mentioned by an anonymous internet user. Then rescind that offer once you realize that you will go broke within a day, despite your $4.2M salary. It’s the thought that counts.
5. Throw him a fundraiser that deals with the cause of his injury: anger. Fun runs are always a great idea!



 

6. Go after other goaltenders that played on the Florida Panthers last season. Instead of being an unfortunate accident, it will instead be excused by your anger at the Panthers’s finish last season, when they missed the playoffs yet again. I mean, that’s just showing passion for winning, right? Stupid charity point…