Hey, did you hear? The San Jose Globetrotters are in town! Well, in town assuming you live in San Jose or some smallish town nearby, which I am for the sake of convience. Anyways, the San Jose Globetrotters, with the starting lineup of Joe “Pass first, ask questions later” Thornton, Patrick “Walt Whitman” Marleau, Dany “Dany F***ing Heatley” Heatley, Dan “Helmet-adjusting eyebrows” Boyle, and Rob “Please forget that I was ever in Love Guru” Blake. Nicknames may or may not be real.

This lineup has accounted for a scoring line of 52-86-138 through 31 games, which is even more impressive when you consider that Blake currently has fewer points than Jed Ortmeyer. At least he has more points than the offensive juggernaut that is Douglas Murray, who has 6. Okay, just one more point. But I digress.

Todd McLellan has used the word “Globetrotters” in describing his first power play unit, saying that they are “looking good and doing nothing.” [link] Now, I don’t know about you, but I was raised on healthy doses of Scooby-Doo and Boomerang. So I know that if there is a mystery to be solved or some bad guy doing something wrong, the Globetrotters will always prevail through a nice game of basketball. Didn’t matter what the situation was, basketball is always the answer. I guess it’s like the inverse of violence, or something.

That’s why I’m confused at the negative connotation of McLellan’s use of Globetrotters. I mean, the Globetrotters always prevail! At least, they always did in the cartoons. And, following that line of logic, the first power play unit also solves mysteries in their spare time. And they always sleep with basketballs (hockey pucks?) under their bed (which they share).

But if you omit the cartoons, since some people won’t admit that to be a legitimate source, my confusion still stands. The Globetrotters have lost 345 games, total. The Sharks? 580 games. And the Globetrotters have been around since 1926. Their winning percentage is cited to be 98.5% (the highest in sports), which puts their record around 22,655-345 all-time. Um, I definitely wouldn’t mind my team having that record. Assuming that same winning percentage follows the team into the playoffs, that is.

So I honestly don’t see why “Globetrotters” is so bad… Wait, what are you typing? What videos are you looking up on youtube? Is that the Chicago game? Or the St. Louis game? Don’t show me that! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! /curls into a fetal position

I see your point.

The first powerplay unit is an impressive show of skill, and pretty much translates into hockey’s answer to the Harlem Globetrotters. I mean, you watch them, and you are just amazed with what they can do. They cycle around, constantly moving, and pass between defenders like they’re not even there. Whoever is manning the point keeps the puck in more often than not (it’s not always Blake and Boyle because of the cycling of the players). It’s an impressive display of hockey skill. But you know what would be even more impressive? Scoring goals. Also impressive? Not allowing the other team’s penalty kill to score goals. No, wait – that’s what’s supposed to happen when you’re on a powerplay.

So no matter how awesome the Globetrotters were in their Hanna-Barbera cartoons or by their impressive record, the Sharks version is not. Well, if you want to win hockey games, that is. And since that is the ultimate goal, the Sharks first powerplay unit should stop emulating the basketball players and start keeping things simple and getting the puck to the net.