Why I Absolutely Despise the Chicago Blackhawks
Douchebag.
Some will think that this hatred has come about from this Western Conference Finals series. Some will think that this post has stemmed from the recent Game 3 loss. They’d be partially right – my hatred for this “storied” franchise has been exacerbated by the series, and the post itself is because of the Game 3 loss. But I’ve hated – really hated – the Blackhawks for almost as long as I’ve been a die-hard Sharks fan. Honestly, I think I might like Dallas and Anaheim more than Chicago, and I’m a Sharks fan. That’s how much I hate the team.
You see, the Blackhawks used to be the team you could shit on. Remember how people keep ragging on the Coyotes about their attendance? Well, the Blackhawks were in the same boat. They had a 50% capacity for a few years there. Five zero. And the worst part was that they, you know, actually had a history of hockey in the area. They had no freaking excuse for attendance that low, and yet, there they were.
“Oh, but what about Bill Wirtz???” Yeah yeah yeah, I know all about your crappy owner. Welcome to most expansion teams’ situations, douchebag. And they don’t have the protection from relocating that you as an Original Six team does. So say all you want about how you were protesting against Wirtz’s reign as an owner, and boo all you want during the moment of silence for him (by the way, real classy of you). You know that your threats were hollow, and the lack of attendance really meant diddly squat.
The Blackhawks tanked their way to a good team, building up high draft pick after high draft pick until, hey! Good team! They walked out onto a fucking red carpet before the 2008-09, and all I could think was, “pretentious, much?” I mean, this was a team that didn’t even make the playoffs a year before, in a league where 53% of all teams do. I’d understand the Red Wings doing so, or hell, even the Penguins. The Blackhawks did jack shit to deserve the red carpet, outside of, you know, existing.
And then they got the Winter Classic. Really? I get Wrigley Field is historic and iconic, and the home to the only reason why more people don’t focus on the Blackhawks’ hilariously long drought (NINETEEN SIXTY ONE). But come on, why not Red Wings-Avalanche, if you’re using the Red Wings? That’s a much more interesting rivalry to pretty much everyone except Blackhawks fans, apparently, but since they couldn’t be bothered to show up prior to that season, they really don’t count.
Then the Blackhawks made the playoffs. Whoop-de-freaking-doo, the Sharks have been doing that every year since 2004. And then they made it to the Western Conference Finals, and all of a sudden the media was on their collective dick. They got nationally broadcast by both NBC and Versus; not only that, but the broadcasters actually compliment the team! (An experience I know that I have yet to enjoy as a Sharks fan).
So now the Blackhawks are winning, and the bandwagonners are coming out of the woodwork. “I’ve always been a Blackhawks fan!” “Really? Don’t you think Jeremy Roenick is awesome?” “…Who’s he?” Honestly, if you don’t know who JR is, you are not a Blackhawks fan. That’s like being an Oilers fan and not knowing who Gretzky is, a Penguins fan ignorant of Lemieux, a Red Wings fan in the dark about Yzerman, an Avalanche fan not knowing Sakic. If you don’t know who Roenick is, you are not a Blackhawks fan. Fact.
I’ve met Blackhawks fans who don’t know who Toews, Kane, Keith, or Niemi are. How? How can that be? How can you call yourself a fan of a team if you don’t even know any of the players? I mean, I barely know football – I doubt I can even name all the teams – but even I still know a few of the players on the 49ers, a team I like in a “between Raiders and Niners which teams sucks less” way. How can someone call themselves a fan – a fan – of a team and not know any of the players? This infuriates me.
Because of this early success, Blackhawks fans are some of the most entitled, ignorant fans I have ever had the displeasure of coming across. They completely ignore their past, completely overlook their own team’s struggles and lack of championships and feel that it is their right to taunt other teams on the lack of success. They act like because they’ve had two good seasons, they deserve a Stanley Cup. They feel like since they are finally filling their arena again, they have a right to pick on struggling nontraditional market teams. For a long time the Red Wings have had the most annoying fans, but at least that was backed up by championships. What do the Blackhawks have? A central division banner? The red carpet? Puh-lease.
I know there are good fans out there that showed up during the lean times, that aren’t taking this success for granted, I know that. But you have been completely drowned out by your douchebag compatriots.
Also, Patrick Kane is possibly the biggest douchebag I’ve ever seen. He beat up a cab driver over twenty cents? Really?! There’s more money in my couch than that. His shirtless in the limo pictures from Vancouver out-douched the entire cast of Jersey Shore, impossible as that seems. His playoff mullet makes me want to punch him in the face. Hated him on the Blackhawks, hated him on Team USA. Dustin Byfuglien (Bufflin for all those Blackhawks “fans”) is another douche, but not quite on the same level. He’s like a homeless man’s Holmstrum.
I hate the Chicago Blackhawks. My team has no rivalry with them, no playoff history with them outside of this year, and yet they’re still probably my first or second most hated team. I don’t see any redeeming quality about them. Just a very, very hateable team that I’ll look forward to booing and trash-talking for years to come.
Go die in a fire, Chicago. Wait, too soon?
| Tags: blackhawks, its hockey time, people are stupid, RANT | 14 Comments |
Fools and Sages was created as an outlet for photoshopping, web design, and hockey rants. I currently attend school in Southern California, but do not hesitate to yell "BEAT LA!" As a Sharks fan, I will defend Patrick Marleau to the death. I have stats, and I'm not afraid to use them.
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14 Responses to “Why I Absolutely Despise the Chicago Blackhawks”
May 22nd, 2010 saat: 6:42 am
um hi, just two words to respond for you darling: TEAL JERSEYS.
Have fun this summer, watching the Hawks in all their red carpet glory.
May 22nd, 2010 saat: 9:49 am
What the hell does the color of the jerseys have to do with anything? I mean, I could complain that the Blackhawks have red jerseys, which is the most unoriginal, over-used color, and that their old black third jerseys join the scores of black third jerseys out there. Or that their current “vintage” third jerseys are, quite frankly, the ugliest things I have seen grace an NHL game, so ugly that even the SNES, BOLT, and Buffaslug jerseys look like classics in comparison.
Whoop-de-doo, you dislike my teams’ jersey colors. That doesn’t change the fact that I hate the Blackhawks.
Also: thanks for demonstrating the stereotype I presented! You did great.
May 22nd, 2010 saat: 9:03 pm
Ann,
Such a typical opinion from an “expansion” fan. The Blackwawks and their fans have paid their price in years. How many years have the sharks been in the league?? I have always had much respect for the sharks and their fans but this series you people need to collectively relax. But I do understand your anxiety…not alot of people want to associate themselves with team that seems to resemble many great ones that never could get over the hump. Chokers…maybe a little and a lot of bad luck. Either way there is a saying here…there’s always next year.
May 22nd, 2010 saat: 9:44 pm
You don’t like the Hawks. Fair enough.
But the lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Your team has been tweaked for years for precisely just this moment and yet when they take the ice later today, they will know they are 60 minutes away from possibly being tossed/swept aside, a past-tense recollection on a competitor’s list of postseason conquests.
I suppose I might be bitter, too.
And Byfuglien isn’t homeless silly . . . he’s right at home from the top of your slot to just outside your crease.
May 22nd, 2010 saat: 10:31 pm
Ann your such a typical “expansion” fan! You’re not allowed to say anything about the Blackhawks and their rich original six history!
May 23rd, 2010 saat: 5:25 am
Just popping in from McC to say what a cool blog you have… I’m curious about Pokecheck too! It’s pretty interesting to see a lifelong Sharks fan.
Anyway, a team from a big city that was once as loved as much as the Hawks were in the days of Chicago Stadium is bound to attract some bandwagoners. I’m glad to see your responders here have been pretty nice. And some of the things you throw at them are things I’ve experienced among Sharks fans too… who don’t know Kelly Kisio or Pat Falloon or Link Gaetz and think of Dougie Wilson as some guy in a tie.
And I’d like to suggest you add Steve Larmer to your list of people that Hawks fans should know. He’s by far my favorite Hawk, because I am a lapsed Ranger fan and will always remember his fantastic play in two years in NY. One of the best defensive forwards and penalty killers ever, a thunderous checker despite being a normal-sized guy, a fantastic slap shot, rocket-fast skater, and hilariously aw-shucks understated farm boy in interviews.
May 23rd, 2010 saat: 7:22 am
Interesting article – your subconscious might be in charge as your GM is Doug Wilson – one of the better Blackhawk defensemen for many years amd still ranks as the club’s highest scoring defenseman.
I really do feel your pain – to have one of the best teams and yet not to get to the final destination. I was really worried that the Hawks might follow the same path as the Hawks struggled during the latter part of the season with a huge goalie situation. But the team is playing great hockey and Niemi has answered the call.
By the way, Chicago now has a marketing guru in control of the team – - – it will definitely bring more stupid new fans that are not true hockey fans. It can’t be helped.
May 23rd, 2010 saat: 12:32 pm
Blackhawk fans have the “tradition” of screaming during the playing of the National Anthem. I think that about sums up everything to be said about their character and class.
May 23rd, 2010 saat: 9:50 pm
Yikes!
Now that’s high anxiety…
I’ve been a Hawks fan since 1970. Haven’t always lived in Chicago as an adult, but remained involved as much as possible. Understanding why fans like or dislike given teams is always subjective. As for myself, I’ve liked the Sharks since they entered the league, and would have pulled for them if they had beaten the Hawks. Now the Redwings…that’s another story. No way, no how.
It’s great that the Sharks have a loyal fan base, and I hope it continues. Hockey needs California. Hockey also needs Chicago. Besides being a Blackhawk fan I think it’s great for the league that this original 6 team has been resurrected.
Attendance is not always a quality measure of fan interest or loyalty, and until you fully understand the garbage that transpired with the Blackhawks organization for the last 15 years, criticizing the fans and the city is too simplistic. The emotional and financial commitment of fans can be extreme, and Bill Wirtz crushed the hearts of Blackhawk fans to the point that they simply walked away. The fans were always there, but we were waiting for change, and it finally happened. The result has been great for Chicago, and you may not want to admit it, but it’s good for the NHL as well.
Keep writing, I do love the passion.
Rob in IL
May 24th, 2010 saat: 10:34 am
Hey Ann, gotta head-to-toe shot of yourself you can post? Preferably in a nighty or plad school-girl outfit? Maybe it will adjust my thoughts regarding your blog. HEHE.
May 24th, 2010 saat: 2:17 pm
I don’t think you have to apologize for this rant at all. I happened to agree with a lot of it. Now, of course, the one caveat is that there are plenty of good, long standing Hawks fans out there who had to suffer through those lean years (about 10,000 of them based on attendance figures through those times), and they shouldn’t be lumped in with their bandwagon “fans.”
Of course, you had to put up with that shit first hand in the dorms, so I can’t blame you for being this outspoken over the issues. Chicago’s new fans have make the Hawks one of the most unbearable teams in the NHL…and in a league with Crosby, Ovechkin, and the Red Wings, that is truly saying something.
October 11th, 2010 saat: 12:13 pm
I don’t think Ann knows what a douchebag is.
October 12th, 2010 saat: 10:52 pm
I do not think she has ever used one.
October 15th, 2010 saat: 8:48 am
gotta admit, she knows more about the blackhawks and hockey than the bandwagon fans she aludes to, and there’s no shortage of them. but come on Ann, the same would happen in San Jose if Lord Stanley came to town. and word up—genuine hawk fans very much exist, and we survived dollar bill’s torture chamber years. so you piss all over my team and town—fair enough Ann—I feel your pain but dont be such a pain in the a–
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