Yesterday marked the first day of the off-season. Meaning, there’s nothing really hockey-related going on for a few weeks. Good news is, baseball is on! Apparently, they’ve already been playing for a couple of months. Who knew?

Anyways, as I dove headfirst into Giants baseball (which is something like diving head first into the shallow end of the pool: torture), I realized there was something very familiar about this ballclub. The front office, the players, the history… It seemed like I had seen this before, only on ice and in a place where a “double double” isn’t a cheeseburger. All of a sudden, I got it.

The San Francisco Giants and the Toronto Maple Leafs are the same team. Look:

• Their offenses were composed of a single, 22 year old player who was expected to carry the team on his back. Not only that, but that player is less than average on defense. This idea, while initially thought to be completely sound, failed spectacularly.
   
• Neither Bengie Molina nor Vesa Toskala can block a small, roundish object unless it was directed right at their chests, even if it was a Barry Zito fastball or a Rob Davison clearing attempt from 180 feet away (which have about the same velocity).
   
• They have the worst of two trios: Bengie of the Molina brothers, and Toskala of the Warren Strelow-trained goalies.
   
• Brian Sabean and Brian Burke both have a penchant for gritty gamers. “Truculence” is Burke’s catch phrase, and if Sabean knew what that word meant he’d probably use it too.
   
• The Giants haven’t won the World Series since they left New York. The Maple Leafs haven’t won since the the leage expanded from 6 teams. Both teams haven’t won since before Chris Chelios could read (granted, growing up all he had were cave paintings, but still).
   
• Wayne Gretzky’s high stick and the Game 6 game ball both have the innate ability to send their respective fanbases into a blind rage with a passing mention.
   
• Good enough to miss out on a top pick (well, when it matters), but bad enough to miss that thing where you play longer than usual for that shiny thing.
   
• Lee Stempniak was traded to the Coyotes and started scoring at almost a goal per game pace. Fred Lewis was traded to the Blue Jays and is now on pace to set the record for most doubles. Similar comparisons can be made with Alexei Ponikarovsky and Kevin Frandsen.
   
• John Ferguson Jr and Brian Sabean have about the same mental capacity. Incidentally, so does a baboon, although I might be selling the baboon short.
   
• Both Bruce Bochy’s and Ron Wilson’s heads are huge. Although, Wilson’s is figeratively, while Bochy’s is freak-of-nature big.
   
• Both teams almost entirely consist of players that would be great complimentary players on a contending team. See: Kaberle, Tomas and Rowand, Aaron.
   
• The Maple Leafs make money for a pension fund. Giants give money to old players for their own pension funds.
   
• Brian Wilson’s nickname is “the Cardiac Kid.” Jonas Gustavsson needed heart surgery.
   
• Both teams have had long, heated rivalries with teams whose hometown fans have been known to riot after an inconsequential playoff win.
   
• The entire fate of the franchises rest on the shoulders of Buster Posey and Nazem Kadri. No pressure, guys.
   
• Aaron Rowand is a gritty defensive specialist that has a penchant for running into walls. Dion Phaneuf is a gritty defenseman that has a penchant for running into people.
   
• If it weren’t for Chicago teams, everybody would be focusing on their drought instead… Err, nevermind.