For those of you completely confused by that first paragraph (how can she get even more beautiful?), here’s a bit of an explanation about the rules concerning free agency. There are two basic types of free agents: unrestricted (UFAs) and restricted (RFAs). UFAs are, with some exceptions, players older than 27. As soon as noon eastern on July 1 hits, a UFA can sign with any team they want, with their former team not getting any compensation. RFAs are players under 27 whose contracts are up but have been qualified by their team. Qualifying offers is basically where a team offers the minimum contract allowed in order to retain that player’s rights. Once they have his rights, if another team signs that player to the offer sheet (giving them a contract that they accept), the team that holds the rights has a chance to either match the offer and retain the player to the exact contract the other team gave the RFA, or let the player go and receive compensation in the form of draft picks based on the cap hit.

Here’s the situation: Chicago can either match the Sharks’ offer and retain Hjalmarsson for a $3.5M cap hit, or they can give him up and receive the Sharks’ 1st and 3rd round picks in the 2011 draft. The Blackhawks currently have $3.6M in cap space after their bonus penalties, and need to add at least 6 players to the roster. If they chose to match the Sharks’ offer, they will have to waive Cristobal Huet, and fill the roster out with near-league minimum players. They will likely lose Niemi as well, as he chose to go to arbitration and will likely be awarded more than they can give him. The Sharks, on the other other hand, already have seven defensemen signed, and will likely have to trade one if Chicago does not match.

GMs don’t offer sheet RFAs. It’s like an unspoken agreement around the league that teams leave RFAs alone, save for trying to trade for their rights and negotiate on their own. Brian Burke is possibly the most outspoken about it, stemming from when Kevin Lowe signed away Dustin Penner from his team at the time, the Anaheim Ducks. Since the inception of the offer sheet, it has only been used a few times, the last time being the aforementioned Penner signing. It has become status quo that RFAs are as good as re-signed, provided they are qualified.

Doug Wilson changed that. For a guy that is such a stickler about decorum and league rules (he refuses to discuss his thoughts about any player not on his team, save for comparisons of Kent Huskins to Rob Scuderi), he was the one that broke the status quo and signed an RFA to an offer sheet.

This was a ballsy move that took advantage of a cap-strapped team. I love it. If Chicago matches, they’re hurt even more cap-wise. If they don’t, Sharks shore up their defense with a young shut-down defenseman. It’s win-win for the Sharks, and lose-lose for the Blackhawks. This is what offer sheeting was supposed to do – make teams mind their cap space more, and allow teams to take advantage of teams who don’t.

Doug Wilson has made this the summer of revenge towards the team that swept the Sharks this playoffs. He first helped facilitate the trade of Byfuglien, Sopel, and Eager to the Thrashers to help dismantle the Blackhawks’ role players, and now he’s attempting to steal out Hjalmarsson from under the Blackhawks and making them make roster decisions much sooner than they would have otherwise (they probably would have waited until after Niemi’s arbitration hearing on July 29th). This is the ultimate response to a playoff sweep, outside of returning the favor.

But besides the kick-ass revenge factor, a Hjalmarsson signing is great on its own. He’s young – only 23, the same age as Vlasic – and already is experienced and a top 4 defenseman. He will instantly be the Sharks’ third-best defenseman, after Boyle and Vlasic. He’s not in the role of the offensive puck-moving defenseman that Wilson loves, but he’s also not the 5th/6th defenseman that the Sharks have four of already. Yeah, he sucked in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals, but he was a large part of the reason why he was in the Finals and the Sharks weren’t.

There’s at the most a week before we all find out whether or not Niklas Hjalmarsson is a San Jose Shark. While I’m personally hoping that Chicago doesn’t match, making the Sharks’ defense that much better instantly, there really isn’t a bad outcome in this situation.

There was a mighty curse on the Blackhawks this year. No, not the one that they got from being from the same city as the Cubs, and not the much-hyped “Hossa Curse” (Marian Hossa has been to the Cup Finals three times in three years on three different teams… and only now has a Cup to show for it). It was the Curse of the Sharks – the 16 year long streak where any team matched up with the Sharks was doomed to fall short of the Cup.

Twelve times the Sharks had made the playoffs, and twelve times they or their opponents did not lift the Stanley Cup. It started with their miracle run of 1994, where they upset the Cup-favorite Wings in 7 games only to face the Maple Leafs (no, really!) and fall in 7 games (once again, really!). They then fell to the Vancouver Canucks in 5 games in the Western Conference Finals, and thus, a curse was born.

The teams that have fallen victim, in order: Toronto Maple Leafs (94), Detroit Red Wings (95), Dallas Stars (98), Colorado Avalanche (99), Dallas Stars (00), St. Louis Blues (01), Colorado Avalanche (02), Calgary Flames(04), Edmonton Oilers (06), Detroit Red Wings (07), Dallas Stars (08), and Anaheim Ducks (09). And yes, Sharks fans do not like the Dallas Stars or the Detroit Red Wings. We do, however, take solace in the fact that once they beat us, they won’t win the Cup. Or did.

What does this mean? Well, it means that the 6 or so hours I put into researching and writing this initial explanation of the Curse, and this examination of whether any other team had something similar happen to their opponents (SPOILER! it hasn’t) was all for naught. It could also, potentially, mean that the San Jose Sharks themselves will get over that darned playoff hump and finally bring a championship back to the Bay Area. We need one. I mean, when teams like the Golden State Warriors and Oakland Raiders have had the most recent post-season success after the Sharks, you know that it’s bad.

So, congrats to Chicago for flipping off all the curses and jinxes in the world, planning parades and painting Cup murals and acquiring Hossa, and winning the Cup. I may kind of hate your team, but the Cup is quite an accomplishment. Just, why oh why did Patrick freaking Kane have to score the overtime winner? Are you trying to kill me?

Douchebag.

Some will think that this hatred has come about from this Western Conference Finals series. Some will think that this post has stemmed from the recent Game 3 loss. They’d be partially right – my hatred for this “storied” franchise has been exacerbated by the series, and the post itself is because of the Game 3 loss. But I’ve hated – really hated – the Blackhawks for almost as long as I’ve been a die-hard Sharks fan. Honestly, I think I might like Dallas and Anaheim more than Chicago, and I’m a Sharks fan. That’s how much I hate the team.

You see, the Blackhawks used to be the team you could shit on. Remember how people keep ragging on the Coyotes about their attendance? Well, the Blackhawks were in the same boat. They had a 50% capacity for a few years there. Five zero. And the worst part was that they, you know, actually had a history of hockey in the area. They had no freaking excuse for attendance that low, and yet, there they were.

“Oh, but what about Bill Wirtz???” Yeah yeah yeah, I know all about your crappy owner. Welcome to most expansion teams’ situations, douchebag. And they don’t have the protection from relocating that you as an Original Six team does. So say all you want about how you were protesting against Wirtz’s reign as an owner, and boo all you want during the moment of silence for him (by the way, real classy of you). You know that your threats were hollow, and the lack of attendance really meant diddly squat.

The Blackhawks tanked their way to a good team, building up high draft pick after high draft pick until, hey! Good team! They walked out onto a fucking red carpet before the 2008-09, and all I could think was, “pretentious, much?” I mean, this was a team that didn’t even make the playoffs a year before, in a league where 53% of all teams do. I’d understand the Red Wings doing so, or hell, even the Penguins. The Blackhawks did jack shit to deserve the red carpet, outside of, you know, existing.

And then they got the Winter Classic. Really? I get Wrigley Field is historic and iconic, and the home to the only reason why more people don’t focus on the Blackhawks’ hilariously long drought (NINETEEN SIXTY ONE). But come on, why not Red Wings-Avalanche, if you’re using the Red Wings? That’s a much more interesting rivalry to pretty much everyone except Blackhawks fans, apparently, but since they couldn’t be bothered to show up prior to that season, they really don’t count.

Then the Blackhawks made the playoffs. Whoop-de-freaking-doo, the Sharks have been doing that every year since 2004. And then they made it to the Western Conference Finals, and all of a sudden the media was on their collective dick. They got nationally broadcast by both NBC and Versus; not only that, but the broadcasters actually compliment the team! (An experience I know that I have yet to enjoy as a Sharks fan).

So now the Blackhawks are winning, and the bandwagonners are coming out of the woodwork. “I’ve always been a Blackhawks fan!” “Really? Don’t you think Jeremy Roenick is awesome?” “…Who’s he?” Honestly, if you don’t know who JR is, you are not a Blackhawks fan. That’s like being an Oilers fan and not knowing who Gretzky is, a Penguins fan ignorant of Lemieux, a Red Wings fan in the dark about Yzerman, an Avalanche fan not knowing Sakic. If you don’t know who Roenick is, you are not a Blackhawks fan. Fact.

I’ve met Blackhawks fans who don’t know who Toews, Kane, Keith, or Niemi are. How? How can that be? How can you call yourself a fan of a team if you don’t even know any of the players? I mean, I barely know football – I doubt I can even name all the teams – but even I still know a few of the players on the 49ers, a team I like in a “between Raiders and Niners which teams sucks less” way. How can someone call themselves a fan – a fan – of a team and not know any of the players? This infuriates me.

Because of this early success, Blackhawks fans are some of the most entitled, ignorant fans I have ever had the displeasure of coming across. They completely ignore their past, completely overlook their own team’s struggles and lack of championships and feel that it is their right to taunt other teams on the lack of success. They act like because they’ve had two good seasons, they deserve a Stanley Cup. They feel like since they are finally filling their arena again, they have a right to pick on struggling nontraditional market teams. For a long time the Red Wings have had the most annoying fans, but at least that was backed up by championships. What do the Blackhawks have? A central division banner? The red carpet? Puh-lease.

I know there are good fans out there that showed up during the lean times, that aren’t taking this success for granted, I know that. But you have been completely drowned out by your douchebag compatriots.

Also, Patrick Kane is possibly the biggest douchebag I’ve ever seen. He beat up a cab driver over twenty cents? Really?! There’s more money in my couch than that. His shirtless in the limo pictures from Vancouver out-douched the entire cast of Jersey Shore, impossible as that seems. His playoff mullet makes me want to punch him in the face. Hated him on the Blackhawks, hated him on Team USA. Dustin Byfuglien (Bufflin for all those Blackhawks “fans”) is another douche, but not quite on the same level. He’s like a homeless man’s Holmstrum.

I hate the Chicago Blackhawks. My team has no rivalry with them, no playoff history with them outside of this year, and yet they’re still probably my first or second most hated team. I don’t see any redeeming quality about them. Just a very, very hateable team that I’ll look forward to booing and trash-talking for years to come.

Go die in a fire, Chicago. Wait, too soon?

So, the Sharks won on Tuesday despite being outshot something like 274y6492-14. Okay, it was more like 47-14, but still. That set a new franchise record for the Sharks, being outshot by that much. In fact, the Hawks got off more shots each period than the Sharks had total. Well, the second period they only had 11 shots, but that’s only 3 fewer and they made up for it with their 21 shot (!!!) third period.

That incredible number of shots means only one thing: a companion to the “Marleau = Beast” series.

The shot disparity could also be explained by the fact that the the Sharks had played the night before, they got the lead relatively early and kept it throughout the game, and the special teams situation. And by the word “situation,” it means that there’s a rant coming on.

For the past three games, the Sharks had never trailed. Actually, once they gained the lead, they never lost it. Meaning that the other team would have to play more aggressive so they can score goals, which generally means that the team with the leading would be given more power plays. Instead, there was 84:10 between Sharks powerplays, during which the Sharks had 8 penalty kills. Somehow, the Stars didn’t commit any penalties in that game. Yeah, and I’m Marty Turco. There were several instances of Stars players committing infractions that were at the level of those the Sharks committed, except that the Stars didn’t get called while the Sharks did. And somehow in scrums, the Sharks were the only team to get penalized. That continued on a bit into the Hawks game, although I concede that the difference was not as great and the Hawks were controlling play.

Now, I’m not pulling a Wings fan or a Bryan Murray and saying that the league is conspiring against the Sharks, but the disparity between calls was absolutely horrible. One team should not get 5 power plays and the other team zero, unless the game is an absolute blowout.

Anyways, since it’s a Versus broadcast, I have a few observations:

• So, Hawks fans get to listen to Eddie O do the commentary on Versus, and Sharks fans get… I dunno, some Versus guy. I just know that it’s not Randy Hahn or Dan Rusanowsky, the Sharks play-by-play guys for the TV and radio, respectively. I get that Eddie O does analysis on Versus regularly, but if it’s supposed to be an neutral broadcast, try to not have one of the regular announcers for one of the teams, okay?
• Somehow in 37 games, the Sharks have become Dany Heatley’s team, despite him not leading the team in either goals or points (those belong to Marleau and Thornton, respectively). At least it’s different from perpetually being Joe Thornton’s team, I guess. And if they went by captaincy and we were really Rob Blake’s team, everyone would take at least one bad penalty per game. That would kind of suck.
• That font they chose for “HAPPY HOLIDAYS!” is absolutely horrible. Here’s a hint: generally, brush stroke-based fonts are not supposed to be in all caps. I think I learned that when I was nine, after seeing how ugly it looked. Brush Script Std looks so good when it’s just “Happy Holidays!”, why couldn’t have you done that?
• I don’t like the Blackhawks’ third jersey. Didn’t like it at the Winter Classic, don’t like it now. I liked their old one, where it was just a black version of their red home jersey. Why change a good thing?
• Vlasic leading the rush always looks weird to me, since he’s a defensive defenseman and all that.
• I swear, Scott Nichol has scored himself more than he’s scored goals this year. He just keeps falling into the net. Definitely not a bad thing, since he’s continually crashing the net, but it’s just kind of funny.
• WWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????????
• If you were confused, Versus showed replays and kept talking about the infamous game before Thanksgiving in which the Sharks – pardon my French – shit the bed.
• I think they had the first Joe Thornton interview where he was actually wearing a shirt. Craziness.
• Versus decided that shots of Joel Quennville and Duncan Keith would be more interesting than shots of a violent scrum/brawl. I disagree.
• Um, by the way, Dany Heatley and Marian Hossa were never teammates. They were traded for each other. So yes, they both played for the Atlanta Thrashers, you got that right, but they never played together.

Our favorite Sharks LW/C was at it again last night, this time going up against three Blackhawks on the PK. I’ll refrain from saying anything about the outcome of the game, because I’m not sure if I can write anything without swearing about the War Room, but Marleau proves to be beastly once again.

My favorite part of this pic is how you can only see Marleau’s arm and leg among all the Blackhawks players.

Part 1 over here.

Yeah. That one. Anyways, I was watching it, and when it got to one of the kids lining up for their permit/license photo, I seriously thought I knew him from somewhere. He looked so familiar! So it was bothering me until an hour ago when I finally realized who he looked like.

This picture brought to you in part by Paint Shop Pro 7 and MS Paint. Man, I miss using Photoshop.

So its not perfect – the State Farm dude is like a younger version of Kane, but still. The similarity amazes me.

And that’s what I do when I have free time.