Oh, and I swear, the Sharks are the only team that gets bandwagoners only when they’re doing bad. Things going normal, they’re winning games, and it’s just the regulars. Sharks lose 8-2, and BOOM! Dozens of people come out the cracks just to piss and moan, using phrases such as “choke,” “no heart,” and “lose in the playoffs.” Same thing happened last year during the Anaheim series. If the Sharks actually win the Stanley Cup, will they lose fans?

By the way, the Gamecenter standings will be put on indefinite hiatus because of a long story that ends with my subscription accidentally being canceled. Anyone who wants to keep up with them, or do them for their own team and send them to me, be my guest.

When, in the course of television broadcasting, it becomes necessary for the target audience of 18-49 year olds to alter their television habits which have connected them with a network, and to assume among the powers of the remote, the wide array of other networks that their cable or satellite subscription entitles them, a decent respect to the network requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the boycott.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all time zones are created equal, that people are endowed by their viewership with certain unalienable rights, that among these are live, quality, and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, Neilson ratings are instituted among networks, deriving their just powers from the television viewers. That whenever any network becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the viewers to complain or boycott it, and to switch to a different network, giving them the viewers and therefore the advertising revenue. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that networks long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown that viewers are more disposed to suffer, while bad programming is sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, making the viewer pissed off, it is their right, it is their duty, to boycott such network, and to watch illegal streams and torrents of their programming. Such has been the patient sufferance of these viewers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former viewing habits. The history of NBC is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over their viewers. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

They have refused to air the Olympic Opening Ceremonies live on the West Coast, despite the host city being in the same timezone, instead tape delaying the Ceremonies for three hours and allowing Them to be already posted on Youtube before those in the Pacific time zone could watch Them on television.

They have refused to air the Olympic events live on the West Coast, a practice that has not allowed the results of the events be a surprise.

They have aired the Michael Phelps races three hours later for West Coast back in 2008, despite the tape-delay making the races begin at 11pm or midnight instead of 8-9pm, which is a much more reasonable hour as well as being live.

They have ignored the effects of the internet on tape-delayed programming.

They have chosen to air the most anticipated of the men’s hockey group play games and one of the most anticipated non-medal event in the Olympics period, the game between Canada and the United States, on MSNBC and ice dancing on NBC.

They have repeatedly aired the footage of a man dying with little to no warning to the viewers.

They have chosen to have Boston and Philadelphia play each other in the Winter Classic, two teams that have little rivalry history, and who would be much better suited to play other teams.

They have decided to deny the Washington Captials in the Winter Classic, citing that the team would not attract good enough ratings, despite having one of the league’s most dynamic stars in Alexander Ovechkin.

They have refused to broadcast any Western Conference team other than the Detroit Red Wings or Chicago Blackhawks despite the West being an overall better conference over the past few seasons.

They have removed original scripted programming to install a fourth talk show in their nightly lineup.

They have broken Conan O’Brien’s contract just seven months into its term in order to reinstall Jay Leno to the Tonight Show despite Mr. Leno’s new talk show’s dismal ratings.

They have removed all of Mr. O’Brien’s Late Night video clips from Hulu and various other internet video websites.

They have strictly controlled all posting of their content on the internet and have not allowed a vast majority of it to be available to a viewer under any circumstances.

In every stage of these errors we have petitioned for change: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated mistakes. A network, whose identity is thus marked by every act which may define a wildly incompetent organization, is unfit to be a top network.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our fellow east coast viewers. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by the network to extend their sub-par and tape-delayed productions onto us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of their exclusive contracts with events and programs. We have appealed to their logic and sense of fairness, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common network availability to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our favorite programs. They too have been deaf to the voice of fairness and common sense. We must, therefore, refuse to watch their network.

We, therefore, the viewers of the United States of America, from our computers, appealing to the common sense of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people suffering through the programming decisions, solemly publish and declare, that these united viewers are, and of right ought to not suffer through inept decisions; that they are no longer confined to viewing the network for certain programming, and that all exclusive Olympic and NHL contracts between them and the governing bodies, ought to be totally dissolved. And for the support of this declaration we mutually pledge to each other our opinions, our rights, and our sacred honor.

So, about a month ago, I was watching the Stanley Cup Final, being depressed and interested simultaneously. The absolute slaughter that was Game 5 was ending; there was about two minutes left on the clock, but there were stoppages often because of some of the shenanigans the players were getting into. And during those stoppages, the arena crew saw fit to play some songs. The crowd – pumped up from the 5-0 drubbing their team put on the Penguins – sang along to the songs played, often continuing during the action after the music had been shut off. I’m not a fan of the Red Wings, but that was a pretty cool event (click here to see what I’m talking about).

That got me thinking – there are some songs that people just love singing along to, that are just so iconic in that way that its hard NOT to sing along to them. So I decided to compile a list of the top ten (okay, eleven) songs that you sing along to, in my very personal opinion.

HM: Old Time Rock and Roll – Bob Seger

While this song was immortalized by Tom Cruise in Risky Business (and the subsequent Guitar Hero commercials), and it does have a certain amount of singability, it does not have that magical crowd feeling, the one that causes everyone to sing along to it. However, because it does cause people to turn up the radio, it deserves an honorable mention.

10. Twist and Shout – the Beatles

While this is technically a cover, what has been deemed as the “greatest rock performance ever” has overshadowed the original recording so much so that the Beatles’ rendition of this song deserves to be on the list. Being the song used in what might be one of the greatest crowd singing and dancing scenes in a movie ever (well, at least in my personal opinion) also helps – the construction worker who dances at the beginning of the clip wasn’t part of the movie, he just felt like dancing along to the song and the cameras caught that.

9. Rock and Roll All Night – Kiss

This song’s chorus encourages people to stay up all night to “rock and roll” and to do so every day – presumably trying to convert people into being nocturnal. That said, the extremely simple chorus, almost always preceded with some sort of encouragement (“I can’t hear you!”), just invites everyone to sing along, and definitely gets a crowd pumped up and ready to rock. The awesome alarm clock just makes it even more of a ready contestant.

8. YMCA – Village People

This is probably one of the most famous songs in the world, one that most elementary school kids know. Why isn’t it ranked higher? Well, I never said that people liked it. This song isn’t likely to be playing over your radio any time soon, nor is anyone likely to keep it at the station to sing along to the chorus and do those arm motions that are practically required when listening to the song. It has fallen into the “corny” category, so much so that it isn’t played unless at some family-friendly event.

However, the fact that everyone knows the chorus and the Y-M-C-A dance that goes along with it makes this song’s inclusion on the list necessary.

7. We Are the Champions – Queen

Without fail, when a team wins a championship (or even a division or conference, in some cases), the fans will start singing this song. And why not? It proclaims, “No time for losers ’cause we are the champions,” a sentiment that is perfect for rubbing in the faces of the losing team. This song is known world-wide, and the slow, not very vocally challenging ballad is perfect for crowds, like the Penguins Cup parade.

6. You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC

Imagine you’re at your high school dance. The lame DJ has been playing mediocre rap the entire night, and you are starting to get bored. But then the first few chords of the song blare over the loudspeakers, and the crowd of people born at least a decade after the song had debued starts cheering and singing along:

“YOU! SHOOK ME ALLL NIIIIIGHT LOOONG!”

And so AC/DC’s infectious chorus begins, inviting everyone within hearing distance to shout along, bobbing their heads while throwing up the horns. At this point, I’d try to link to some awesome video, but the awesomeness was never really caught well on Youtube. So here is the music video, which is one of my favorites.

5. Livin’ On A Prayer – Bon Jovi

Besides being one of the more playable songs on Guitar Hero and Rock Band, this song has also been a favorite of fans during the playoffs – “Ohhhhhhhh, we’re half way there-ere. OHH-OHH! LIVING ON A PRAYER!” It signifies hope, a challenge to go on, and has a completely shoutable chorus. Jon Bon Jovi’s insistence to sing/scream in the upper echelons of his vochal range, prompting drunken fans to do the same, helps the song as well. Just a great crowd song. According to youtube, it is also rather popular to sing on bus rides.

4. Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd

This song has immortalized Alabama in a way that nothing else has. Besides being made into a crappy movie featuring Elle Woods (or, you know, Reese Witherspoon), it has withstood the test of time and is still often played on radio stations across the country. Kid Rock even sampled it, to some success. But what makes it such an iconic song is the chorus (as most songs on this list), which not only imbues a country charm, but also features background singers that urge everyone to join in. And really, who can resist? Certainly not these folk (granted, this is in Alabama, but still).

3. Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey

“Just a city boy. Born and raised in SOUTH DETROIT! He took the midnight train going anywhere.”

Despite my utter perplexity as to why Detroit fans would love singing along to a song where the boy wants to be anywhere but Detroit, this song has proven to be one of the most popular songs to sing along to – especially in Detroit, but other places as well. But what is unique about Journey’s iconic song is the lack of a recognizable chorus to sing along to until the very end. This has caused the first verse of the song to become the singable part, and there are few experiences like hearing a group of people sing in unison, “Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world…”

The fact that this song has somewhat become a rallying point for fans during dire straits helps it immensely, as well.

2. Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

“Hand, touching hands. Reaching out, touching me, touching you! Sweet Caroline! BA BA BA! Good times never seemed so good. SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO GOOD! I’ve been inclined. BA BA BA! To believe there never would, oh now I…”

I am no Red Sox fan, but BoSox Nation has made this old, slightly sappy Neil Diamond song into one of the top songs to sing along to of all time. The extra lyrics, shouted as loudly and drunkenly as possible, makes the song what it is. While it is unofficially owned by the Red Sox, virtually anybody can play the song (except for perhaps the Yankees) and get the same level of drunken participation. Except for, apparently, at Jonas Brothers concerts, because I assume that 11 year old girls have no idea who Neil Diamond is (that one girl who shouts the “SO GOOD” part is my hero, even though she was a a Jonas Brothers concert).

1. We Will Rock You – Queen

There really is no other choice for the number one spot – I challenge you to come up with one. Queen’s rock anthem has become so recognizable that two beats into the song, most of the crowd has already picked up the iconic stomp-stomp-clap beat. Hell, even ancient Rome was able to get into it. While the verses of the song are largely ignored, the recitation of the chorus is mandatory, especially when sung as loud as possible – “WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!”

To commemorate all these songs, I made a playlist on YouTube, which you can find here. Or, you know, the embedded player below.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

When I looked up "stupid hockey," Sean Avery was one of the top results. So here's a picture of Dany Heatley.

While the off-season isn’t quite done yet, there’s a pretty good chance that most of the NHL’s general managers got their bouts of stupidity out already, as that what’s July 1st is for. However, some GMs proved that their stupidity goes above and beyond any expectations, causing much hilarity and grief simultaneously.

Since next to nothing has happened over the past few days, here is my personal rankings of the stupidity this off-season.

1. Dany Heatley

Dany Heatley is one of the league’s premier (if a bit one-dimensional) snipers. He almost always reaches that revered PPG plateau, and his skills would be welcome on most teams. Why is he the “stupidest” part of this off-season? Well, a demand for a trade after one year on his new 6 year, $7.5M per contract, complete with a NMC would give him consideration. Going public with his desire to be traded puts him on the list. Publically refusing to be traded to a certain team after demanding said trade puts him right at the top.

2. The Gomez deal

Scott Gomez, probably the only Hispanic Alaskan to ever play in the NHL, has the misfortune of having the second-worst contract in the NHL, given out by the free agent-happy Glen Sather. He then failed to live up to expectations, being only an above-average playmaking center making more than Joe Thornton (who got about twice as many assists). Getting anything besides mid-round picks or low-level players/prospects in return would be a steal. Hell, just being able to trade the guy would be a steal.

So when Bob Gainey offered Chris Higgins, Ryan McDonagh, and Pavel Valentenko for Gomez, Tom Pyatt, and Mike Busto, Glen Sather took it and ran. McDonagh is a blue-chip defensive prospect and Higgins is a winger that has the upside of around 50 points. Pyatt and Busto are low-level prospects in the AHL and ECHL respectively. Gainey got absolutely fleeced, a consensus among Habs bloggers, and Sather became king…

3. Gaborik at 5 years, $7.5M per

…Until he signed Marion Gaborik to this deal. Granted, a dynamic sniper that was able to put up the points on the defensively-minded Wild is something that the Rangers sorely need, but the fact is his groin is made out of glass. He averaged about 51 games per season since the lockout, and has never played a full 82 in his career. Last season, he played a grand total of 17 games between various injuries and surguries that sidelined him for the rest of the 65.

The length of the contract, considering his injury history, concerns me. What concerns me more? That $7.5M cap hit, rendering him near-impossible to move in the current NHL. With his injury history, Gaborik probably could have been signed in the neighborhood of $6M. So Sather overpaid an injury-prone player by at least $1M, effectively rendering him near-immovable with or without a NTC.

Its good to know that some things never change.

4. Hossa signs in Chicago

The contract alone – $5.23M per year for 12 years – isn’t that bad considering the caliber of the player, although I would think the length is questionable. True, it means that the Blackhawks are destined to lose in the Stanley Cup Finals for the next 12 years or so, but its still a decent signing. Why is it on the stupid list, you ask? Well, Chicago’s two young faces of the franchise (Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews) are set to become RFAs next year, and due for some pretty hefty raises from their ELCs. Because of the Hossa signing (as well as Campbell and Huet), there is little to no cap room left, especially with the ceiling rumored to come down by as much as $6M.

Of course, the fail doesn’t stop there. Continuing his trend of putting his foot in his mouth (“When I compared the two teams, I felt like I would have a little better of a chance to win the Cup in Detroit”), here’s what Hossa had to say after signing in Chicago, a bitter divisional rival of Detroit:

If there’s no salary cap, I’m sure I would still be in Detroit.

So, twelve years, is it?

5. Montreal – the Land of the Midgets

All summer, I’ve been hearing from Habs fans and media alike that they need to sign a “big centerman.” So who does Bob Gainey go out and get?

Jarolslav Spacek – D, 5’11″, 198lbs for $3.83M per for 3 years.
Brian Gionta – RW, 5’7″, 175lbs for $5M per for 5 years.
Mike Cammalleri – C, 5’9″, 180lbs for $6M per for 5 years.
Scott Gomez – C, 5’11″, 200lbs for $7.36M per for 5 years.

Two centers, with all four players being under 6′. Granted, Gainey did sign the 6’7″ Hal Gill, but as Gill isn’t exactly the most mobile defenseman ever, it doesn’t quite make up for it.

But seriously, all four of those players are overpaid (some moreso than others), and their signing probably make the Canadiens the smallest team in the league.

6. Dale Tallon and the Disappearing QOs

To sum up what has become a very complicated legal issue: Tallon was supposed to send his qualifying offers to potential RFAs in a certain way by a certain date. He did not abide by either of those guidelines, and because of it Calder nominee Kris Versteeg can potentially become a UFA 4 years before he’s supposed to, therefore able to garner a much higher salary than as an RFA.

To sum that up? Chicago is even more screwed than they were than when it was just Hossa.

7. Canucks sign Raycroft

Raycroft is the third-worst goaltender since the lockout by save percentage, following Dan “Most Beachball Photoshops Ever” Cloutier and Jussi Markkanen. I think that says it all. If not, go here for Mirtle’s take.

So, that sums it up. I’m sure that there will be more stupid deals as the summer goes on, but those were the ones that made me go LOLWUT as soon as I heard them. Feel free to add more in the comments, or disagree with me.

As I consider myself somewhat of a television connoisseur, here is a list I have compiled of shows that I have found to replace my daily dose of hockey. Only in terms of time, of course, since nothing can really replace the awesomeness.

Regular Season Show You Need to Get Caught Up On
Chuck
I started watching the show after I saw the previews for it a few years ago. It was like, “Hey, nerd guy somehow becomes a spy. That’s pretty sweet.” In the first episode, there was a completely awesome car chase involving a Prius. In the second, a car exploded. Oh, and that’s all wrapped up in witty comedic banter and enough workplace shenanigans to put The Office to shame. The show got a little heavy on the mythology in the second half of the second season, but other than that its rather easy to watch it as you like. “Chuck Versus the Alma Mater” and “Chuck Versus the Colonel” are two of my favorite episodes, but I suggest not watching the latter until you’ve really gotten into the show.

Its Canadian, Eh
The Listener
As an import from Canada, the show is about a paramedic who can read minds, and so he suddenly decides to become Mr. Detective. Obviously, like most shows that deal with secret identities/hidden abilities, he raises suspicions from people. It has a fairly basic criminal mystery set-up that you can find in literally any crime-based show, but that’s not the draw. The thing is, the lead guy (Craig Olejnik) is insanely hot. Most of the time, I’m not even paying attention to the story, instead just admiring his face or the way he looks in his uniform.

Reality TV
So You Think You Can Dance
I know, I know. Its reality tv, a genre that has been over-done this past decade and needs to die. Except, this show is different. The reality series is currently in its fifth season, and has only gotten better as the years have gone by. It draws its inspiration from American Idol, in that talented individuals compete for America’s vote. The thing is, all the dancers that make it into the top twenty are insanely talented and most have had years of training. Watching them attempt styles outside of their own is a treat, especially when they end up like the Table Dance, Bleeding Love, and so on. Oh, and my pick for the winner this season? Evan Kasprzak, a Fred Astaire-like dancer. Yeah, that good.

At Least There’s Hockey
Bones
Okay, okay, I admit – this CSI-like series isn’t exactly the first place I’d look for my hockey fix, but its there. The male lead (Seeley Booth) loves hockey; he has several hockey photos in his office, had a hallucination of playing with Luc Robataille, plays in his rec league, and owns a framed (and presumably signed) Mario Lemieux jersey. And then besides that, it has a great will-they-won’t-they romance dynamic between the two leads while they solve mysteries. Well-written, with a great group of supporting characters, and the plot doesn’t get too murder-heavy for those who can’t take it. “Fire in the Ice” is the most hockey-heavy episode there is, as the entire episode revolves around hockey, but all the episodes are good, albeit in a less-hockey manner.

Hey I Saw This on YouTube!
Whose Line Is It Anyways?
This brilliantly simple show was canceled back in 2003 because of low ratings (most likely due to being up against the insanely popular Friends), and not because it got any less funny. I’d actually rate the show as the funniest thing I’ve seen, hands-down. The basis of the show is that it gets four comedians (Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Wayne Brady, and some guest comedian) to act out things based on suggestions written on cards. So, yeah, its improv. Amazing improv, at that. Oh, and the reason for the category? You can find virtually any game played on the show on youtube. PLUS, you can also find hilarious (if NSFW) outtakes that include Bill Cosby and Hitler being roommates for a sitcom. Yes, totally serious about that.