Okay, so it’s only Christmas for around 10 more minutes, so sue me. Anyways, I decided to try and make a song parody and record my efforts for all to enjoy. And then I realized that my singing would probably bring the opposite of enjoyment, so I didn’t record it or make a video. But if you want to, go ahead! While the tune is a Christmas standard, the lyrics are not, so who cares if Christmas is over in 7 minutes.

You know Thornton and Seto
And Boyle and Heatley
Murray and Vlasic
And Huskins and Nabby
But do you recall
The most beastly player of all?

Marleau the hockey player
(player)
Scored a lot of pretty goals
(like shorthanded)
Whenever he’d try to score
(to score)
He would find the goalie’s holes
(like Tiger Woods)
All of the other teams’ fans
(teams’ fans)
Accused him of choking hard
(like a necklace)
They never held poor Marleau
(Marleau)
In a very high regard
(like Joe Thornton)

Then one sunny New Years Eve
Stevie came to say
(Yes yes yes)
Patty with your skills so tight
Won’t you join my team tonight?
Then Canadians loved him
(loved him)
And they shouted with a fuss
(Hoo-ah!)
Marleau the hockey player
(player)
You will bring the gold to us!
(like Joe Sakic!)

But if you want official Sharks Christmas awesomeness, click here. Featuring Slappy along with Rob Blake, Patrick Marleau, Dany Heatley, and Joe Thornton, it is simply hilarious. “That dummy’s brilliant.” Or, if you want to go vintage, there’s also the following video:

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Our favorite Sharks LW/C was at it again last night, this time going up against three Blackhawks on the PK. I’ll refrain from saying anything about the outcome of the game, because I’m not sure if I can write anything without swearing about the War Room, but Marleau proves to be beastly once again.

My favorite part of this pic is how you can only see Marleau’s arm and leg among all the Blackhawks players.

Part 1 over here.

This image that I made during the Sharks-Pens game has been circulating various Sharks boards, so I decided to actually post it here.

Taken during a Sharks penalty kill. Marleau dumped the puck into the Pens’ zone, skated in after it, and held off four Penguins players for 5 seconds. And I don’t mean he was digging for the puck for five seconds as more Pens came around him, I mean all five of them were in the corner for 5 full seconds. I counted. And since few players are amazing enough to require four players just to match them, Marleau must be a beast.

But that’s nothing I don’t already know.

Honestly, the coaching connections between the two teams are crazy. Over the summer, it was joked about how the Sharks traded Todd Richards for Matt Shaw, and how we were hosed in the deal. But seriously, I don’t think that even the Sutter family has this many coaching connections. Well, at least not as convoluted. The Sutters are just like, “he’s his brother,” and they’re done.

And on the coaches note, Jacques Lemaire, the head coach of the Wild since their inception, was let go over the summer in lieu of Todd Richards. Let’s have a moment of silence for this now-dated meme parody:

Okay, now let’s bring out the new one!

Wait, no, sorry, that’s the old-old one. Here’s the new one:

Much better, don’t you think?

Anyways, enough with the picture foolishness. Down to the game!

Basically, Sharks started out flat-footed as usual, going down 2-0. But then Jed Ortmeyer (yes, Jed freaking Ortmeyer) had a goal on a beautiful setup, which prompted San Jose’s floodgates to metaphorically open. Marleau then got on the board after shooting at Backstrom and then chipping in his own rebound over flopping goalie. Oh, and then he went around the net and stuffed the puck back in, just in case. The assists on that play? Huskins and Shelley. That’s never going to happen again.

Heatley also one-timed a goal for the Sharks lead and the eventual game winner, which was really pretty. But the back-breaker was really Marleau’s second goal, nine seconds into the third period when Marleau turned on his jets and sped past Minnesota and scored on a breakaway. Bet they miss Gaborik now, huh? Then again, he’d just hurt his groin trying to catch up to Marleau, so maybe not.

Other notes:

• Hits record-holder Cal Clutterbuck and general beast Douglas Murray met tonight. Clutterbuck tried to hit Murray. Murray hit back. Clutterbuck is now injured. Therefore, Murray is better.
• Owen Nolan scored against the Sharks. Also: water is wet, Pope is Catholic.
• Wild got a 2 minute 5-on-3 and failed to score. Actually, they took a penalty and gave up two shorthanded chances to the Sharks. Probably the worst 2 minute 5-on-3 you can achieve without allowing a goal.
• Good things come to those who plant their asses in front of goalies.
• Remember the Evgeni Nabokov of 2007-08? Yeah, that one showed up tonight. Honestly, there is no goalie better than him when Super Nabby shows up.
• Marleau has tied Heatley for the team lead in goals. Don’t think many have expected that.

I have no pictures, because going around campus taking pictures of random people would make me look crazy, so allow me to use half-assed photoshops to make my point.

The first look-alike I came across was a dead ringer for Giants pitcher Matt Cain, only shorter, thinner, and more flamboyant.

to

Second is this guy I saw walking around campus once at night. Looked exactly like Patrick Marleau, only with lots of beer. Well, it’s mainly the monster eyebrows that make him look like Marleau, but still.

to

The last one I saw isn’t exactly a doppelganger, it’s more of an unholy union. You know Conan’s whole “If they had kids” segment? Yeah, it’s like that.

+

 

…

 

There is a man out there that looks like this. Be afraid. Be very afraid.*

*Note: Okay, so that’s not exactly what the guy looks like, but it is an uncanny resemblance. A bit of Matt Barkley in there as well.

What has been danced around all summer has finally happened – no, not all those Dany Heatley rumors, nor the fact that a roster player needs to be traded. It is Patrick Marleau being stripped of his captaincy, as well as Joe Thornton no longer being an alternate.

This move was discussed for quite some time this summer, beginning almost before the Sharks were eliminated in the playoffs. Fuel to the fire was added when Marleau revealed to David Pollak that he would give up the captaincy if it was for the betterment of the team, and apparently, it was. Thornton’s “A” being removed was also discussed, but not as much; and the fact that it is now gone has been overlooked in lieu of the captaincy, but it is still important.

Marleau and Thornton represent the Sharks as a whole – big, strong players that can dominate a game if they want to but can also take a few shifts off. They have reputations as playoff chokers (even though Joe is a little less than a PPG in the playoffs since coming here, and Patty is one of the best playoff performers this decade) and have taken the blame for all the Sharks’ recent failings.

How did they get the letters, then? Well, back in the 03-04 season, Nolan had just left, and there was no captain for the Sharks. There was a rotating captaincy established, with Mike Ricci, Vinny Damphousse, and Alyn McCauley being captains before Marleau got the “C.” Once he did, McCauley advised Wilson to leave it with Marleau, and the team went on to go to the Western Conference Final.

Thornton got the “A” as he was the captain in Boston when he was traded, and Marleau was already an established captain in San Jose, so he was given the “A” as a sort of compensation. That, and he was the best player on the Sharks. It simply makes sense.

I’m not going to lie; Patrick Marleau is one of my favorite players, and the face of the franchise to me. He was drafted in 1997 by the Sharks, was the second overall pick in the draft, and played with them ever since. He lives in San Jose, his wife grew up here, and he donates both time and money to the community. He’s one of the best players on the Sharks, and is constantly a two-way threat. His teammates stand up for him in the media and on the ice, and yet he no longer wears the C.

It is the end of a five year long era, one of playoff success and disappointments, and of regular season dominance. It was during Marleau’s tenure that the Sharks transformed from a team that could consistently get in as a lower seed to one that could win the division – and even the conference – consistently. One that could be tops in the league in points, special teams, home ice advantage (08-09), on the road (07-08), and even in accolades, with Joe Thornton and Jonathan Cheechoo winning the Hart and Rocket Richard trophies respectively in 05-06. The team transformed from a gritty team to one of high skill, with the drafting and development of Michalek, Pavelski, Clowe, Ehrhoff, and Murray.

There have been many names thrown out for potential captains – Boyle, Thornton, and Pavelski are the most common. But whatever happens, the San Jose Sharks enter a new era, one without Captain Marleau.