And then it gets even more absurd with this comment as they switched back to the studio:

“I hope everyone is safe.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NOTHING HAPPENED! Oh no, the power went out! Everyone is instantly in danger! Never mind that San Franciscans and other Bay Area residents have lives through actual disasters, like that same Loma Prieta quake you were prattering about earlier. That comment is reserved for actual disasters and dangerous situations, not for power outages that were fixed within the hour.

I understand that San Francisco and the entire Bay Area is known for their earthquakes. And we recognize that – our taller buildings are often described by how high of a magnitude they can withstand, and we have more earthquake drills than fire drills. But that also means that if there’s an earthquake, we know how to deal with it. Our incompetence in driving while it’s raining is made up for by our nonchalance for quakes smaller than 6.0 on the Richter scale.

But that’s besides the point, because there wasn’t even an earthquake. A transformer blew, and the power went out for so brief of a time the beer didn’t even get warm. Yet it was treated as the next World Series quake, because MNF is stupid.

On March 5, 2010, around 1:50 into the third period, Scott Nichol received a pass from Torrey Mitchell, rang it off the post, and then continued on his way, trying to set up for another chance. In no way was he endangering any Canadiens player, attempting anything cheap, or really doing anything except for trying to score a goal. Maxim Lapierre, following Nichol, slashed him, and then cross-checked him from behind. Nichol flew full-speed into the boards, hitting his shoulder, and crumpled onto the ice. He laid there for a while, his legs twitching (yes, twitching) in pain. When he got up to say some things I am sure are not suitable for a family atmosphere, he was holding his arm close to his chest, trying to keep his shoulder in place. He did not return for the rest of the game, and is now expected to be out for 7-10 days (in Sharks-speak, that’s usually 2-3 weeks at the very least).

Lapierre got no penalty, no beat-down from any of the Sharks players, nothing. The only penalties that arose were from the scrum afterwards, to Jay Leach and Travis Moen. Lapierre was actually smiling after it, if you can believe it.

Now, I admit, I’m incredibly biased. Nichol plays for the Sharks, and Lapierre doesn’t. But really, if Nichol didn’t twist his body so that he’d only end up with a shoulder injury, it would have been his head crashing into the boards, and his neck absorbing that force. There was a very real possibility that he could have been paralyzed or worse.

I can go on about how I think that’s a dirty cheapshot and something that should be completely removed from the game, as well as Chris Lee’s complete inability to see something so completely obvious 15 feet away, but that’s been dealt with. People have talked about it already and a 4-game suspension has been doled out.

The thing that gets me, the thing that really pisses me off, is the insistence by some fans – largely Montreal fans, but some other ones as well – that Nichol deserved it because of all the cheap shots that he has thrown throughout his career.

In short, to some, Maxim Lapierre has become Bernie Goetz.

They feel that the violent actions of one can be justified if the victim has committed crimes in the past, and could possibly commit crimes in the future. They feel that by physically hurting Nichol and keeping him out of the game for weeks will improve the NHL, and that Lapierre should not be indicted because he was doing a public service, or because it “would take 10 more of Lapierre’s hits to make up for all of Nichol’s cheapshots.” People are wishing injury on Nichol, and that’s just wrong.

Has the situation gotten so bad in the NHL that some fans are wishing for more dangerous hits like that on borderline-dirty players? Has it gotten to the point where fans no longer trust the referees and the NHL’s supplementary discipline, just like how New Yorkers had completely lost faith in their police force? The entire Sharks-Canadiens game was an example of a game that got completely out of hand, where cheap-shots were being doled out like AOL CDs back in the lates 1990s, but that’s just a rare occurance, right? I’d like to think so, but the reaction to the game and the hit itself is worrying.

There are jokes about Colin Campbell’s Wheel of Justice and, of course, DGB’s famous suspension chart. The thing that worries me is that the jokes are true. People were wondering if Lapierre would even get a suspension, which, for an obviously dirty play such as that (disregarding any outside factors such as the perpetrator, the victim, and how the rest of the game was going, it was unquestionably dirty), should not even be a question. And then add to that how people were commenting how it was a good thing – have I been transported back to the early 80s?

I like the hits and the fights that make up good, physical hockey. Douglas Murray of the Sharks is one of my favorite players, and is well-known for his ability to dish out huge and completely legal hits. Fighting to settle scores without resorting to cheap shots is, in my opinion, the best way to administer justice so that the players can feel satisfied. David Booth did it with Mike Richards, and for all intents and purposes, the score from Richards’s headshot has been settled. I am not advocating to take out the physical play of hockey – I just don’t want the players and the fans to feel like the only way to dole out justice is by cheapshots on players. I don’t want Lapierre, or any other player, to be Bernie Goetz.

When, in the course of television broadcasting, it becomes necessary for the target audience of 18-49 year olds to alter their television habits which have connected them with a network, and to assume among the powers of the remote, the wide array of other networks that their cable or satellite subscription entitles them, a decent respect to the network requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the boycott.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all time zones are created equal, that people are endowed by their viewership with certain unalienable rights, that among these are live, quality, and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, Neilson ratings are instituted among networks, deriving their just powers from the television viewers. That whenever any network becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the viewers to complain or boycott it, and to switch to a different network, giving them the viewers and therefore the advertising revenue. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that networks long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown that viewers are more disposed to suffer, while bad programming is sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, making the viewer pissed off, it is their right, it is their duty, to boycott such network, and to watch illegal streams and torrents of their programming. Such has been the patient sufferance of these viewers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former viewing habits. The history of NBC is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over their viewers. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

They have refused to air the Olympic Opening Ceremonies live on the West Coast, despite the host city being in the same timezone, instead tape delaying the Ceremonies for three hours and allowing Them to be already posted on Youtube before those in the Pacific time zone could watch Them on television.

They have refused to air the Olympic events live on the West Coast, a practice that has not allowed the results of the events be a surprise.

They have aired the Michael Phelps races three hours later for West Coast back in 2008, despite the tape-delay making the races begin at 11pm or midnight instead of 8-9pm, which is a much more reasonable hour as well as being live.

They have ignored the effects of the internet on tape-delayed programming.

They have chosen to air the most anticipated of the men’s hockey group play games and one of the most anticipated non-medal event in the Olympics period, the game between Canada and the United States, on MSNBC and ice dancing on NBC.

They have repeatedly aired the footage of a man dying with little to no warning to the viewers.

They have chosen to have Boston and Philadelphia play each other in the Winter Classic, two teams that have little rivalry history, and who would be much better suited to play other teams.

They have decided to deny the Washington Captials in the Winter Classic, citing that the team would not attract good enough ratings, despite having one of the league’s most dynamic stars in Alexander Ovechkin.

They have refused to broadcast any Western Conference team other than the Detroit Red Wings or Chicago Blackhawks despite the West being an overall better conference over the past few seasons.

They have removed original scripted programming to install a fourth talk show in their nightly lineup.

They have broken Conan O’Brien’s contract just seven months into its term in order to reinstall Jay Leno to the Tonight Show despite Mr. Leno’s new talk show’s dismal ratings.

They have removed all of Mr. O’Brien’s Late Night video clips from Hulu and various other internet video websites.

They have strictly controlled all posting of their content on the internet and have not allowed a vast majority of it to be available to a viewer under any circumstances.

In every stage of these errors we have petitioned for change: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated mistakes. A network, whose identity is thus marked by every act which may define a wildly incompetent organization, is unfit to be a top network.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our fellow east coast viewers. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by the network to extend their sub-par and tape-delayed productions onto us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of their exclusive contracts with events and programs. We have appealed to their logic and sense of fairness, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common network availability to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our favorite programs. They too have been deaf to the voice of fairness and common sense. We must, therefore, refuse to watch their network.

We, therefore, the viewers of the United States of America, from our computers, appealing to the common sense of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people suffering through the programming decisions, solemly publish and declare, that these united viewers are, and of right ought to not suffer through inept decisions; that they are no longer confined to viewing the network for certain programming, and that all exclusive Olympic and NHL contracts between them and the governing bodies, ought to be totally dissolved. And for the support of this declaration we mutually pledge to each other our opinions, our rights, and our sacred honor.

It has been confirmed by TSN, David Pollak over at Working the Corners, and the Sharks site. So, basically everyone that matters. Milan Michalek, Jonathan Cheechoo, and a 2nd round pick was traded for Dany Heatley and a 5th round pick.

Damnit.

Also, please disregard that post I made a few months ago about how Dany Heatley will never come to the Sharks. Apparently, I was wrong. Eating my hat as we speak.

• Freddie Sanchez “grounds out” to third base. Except he beats the throw to the base.
• Aaron Rowand grounds to second, where the short stop tags second and throws to first base. The first baseman drops the ball (never had control of it) and picks it up as Rowand reaches the bag. Umpire calls him out. Thing is, the first baseman was about a foot off the bag, and never tagged it after picking up the ball.
• Pablo Sandoval gets hit by a pitch, and the umpire rules it a foul ball.
• Nate Scheirholtz hits the ball to the second baseman, who tags Pablo Sandoval with an empty glove while holding the ball with his other hand (aka, not an out). The second base ump rules it an out, but the first base ump overturns it as he watched the play. But then he called Scheirholtz out at first. Not only did Scheirholtz easily beat the throw, but the ump wasn’t even looking at first base, instead watching Sandoval.
• Juan Uribe fields a ground ball and throws it to Travis Ishikawa for an out at first in the top of the ninth. The throw beats the runner, Ishikawa is on base, and it should have been an out. The runner was ruled safe. That call cost Lincecum a much-deserved complete game win.
• Because of arguing with the calls, both manager Bruce Bochy and (later) acting manager Ron Wotus were ejected from the game today. Despite jumping on Pablo Sandoval, Russel Martin was not. Bochy was also ejected Monday for arguing with a call.

Video evidence below, featuring an unusually riled-up JT Snow.Youtube took the video down, so I guess you’ll just have to trust me and the thousands of Giants fans who watched the series.

When I looked up "stupid hockey," Sean Avery was one of the top results. So here's a picture of Dany Heatley.

While the off-season isn’t quite done yet, there’s a pretty good chance that most of the NHL’s general managers got their bouts of stupidity out already, as that what’s July 1st is for. However, some GMs proved that their stupidity goes above and beyond any expectations, causing much hilarity and grief simultaneously.

Since next to nothing has happened over the past few days, here is my personal rankings of the stupidity this off-season.

1. Dany Heatley

Dany Heatley is one of the league’s premier (if a bit one-dimensional) snipers. He almost always reaches that revered PPG plateau, and his skills would be welcome on most teams. Why is he the “stupidest” part of this off-season? Well, a demand for a trade after one year on his new 6 year, $7.5M per contract, complete with a NMC would give him consideration. Going public with his desire to be traded puts him on the list. Publically refusing to be traded to a certain team after demanding said trade puts him right at the top.

2. The Gomez deal

Scott Gomez, probably the only Hispanic Alaskan to ever play in the NHL, has the misfortune of having the second-worst contract in the NHL, given out by the free agent-happy Glen Sather. He then failed to live up to expectations, being only an above-average playmaking center making more than Joe Thornton (who got about twice as many assists). Getting anything besides mid-round picks or low-level players/prospects in return would be a steal. Hell, just being able to trade the guy would be a steal.

So when Bob Gainey offered Chris Higgins, Ryan McDonagh, and Pavel Valentenko for Gomez, Tom Pyatt, and Mike Busto, Glen Sather took it and ran. McDonagh is a blue-chip defensive prospect and Higgins is a winger that has the upside of around 50 points. Pyatt and Busto are low-level prospects in the AHL and ECHL respectively. Gainey got absolutely fleeced, a consensus among Habs bloggers, and Sather became king…

3. Gaborik at 5 years, $7.5M per

…Until he signed Marion Gaborik to this deal. Granted, a dynamic sniper that was able to put up the points on the defensively-minded Wild is something that the Rangers sorely need, but the fact is his groin is made out of glass. He averaged about 51 games per season since the lockout, and has never played a full 82 in his career. Last season, he played a grand total of 17 games between various injuries and surguries that sidelined him for the rest of the 65.

The length of the contract, considering his injury history, concerns me. What concerns me more? That $7.5M cap hit, rendering him near-impossible to move in the current NHL. With his injury history, Gaborik probably could have been signed in the neighborhood of $6M. So Sather overpaid an injury-prone player by at least $1M, effectively rendering him near-immovable with or without a NTC.

Its good to know that some things never change.

4. Hossa signs in Chicago

The contract alone – $5.23M per year for 12 years – isn’t that bad considering the caliber of the player, although I would think the length is questionable. True, it means that the Blackhawks are destined to lose in the Stanley Cup Finals for the next 12 years or so, but its still a decent signing. Why is it on the stupid list, you ask? Well, Chicago’s two young faces of the franchise (Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews) are set to become RFAs next year, and due for some pretty hefty raises from their ELCs. Because of the Hossa signing (as well as Campbell and Huet), there is little to no cap room left, especially with the ceiling rumored to come down by as much as $6M.

Of course, the fail doesn’t stop there. Continuing his trend of putting his foot in his mouth (“When I compared the two teams, I felt like I would have a little better of a chance to win the Cup in Detroit”), here’s what Hossa had to say after signing in Chicago, a bitter divisional rival of Detroit:

If there’s no salary cap, I’m sure I would still be in Detroit.

So, twelve years, is it?

5. Montreal – the Land of the Midgets

All summer, I’ve been hearing from Habs fans and media alike that they need to sign a “big centerman.” So who does Bob Gainey go out and get?

Jarolslav Spacek – D, 5’11″, 198lbs for $3.83M per for 3 years.
Brian Gionta – RW, 5’7″, 175lbs for $5M per for 5 years.
Mike Cammalleri – C, 5’9″, 180lbs for $6M per for 5 years.
Scott Gomez – C, 5’11″, 200lbs for $7.36M per for 5 years.

Two centers, with all four players being under 6′. Granted, Gainey did sign the 6’7″ Hal Gill, but as Gill isn’t exactly the most mobile defenseman ever, it doesn’t quite make up for it.

But seriously, all four of those players are overpaid (some moreso than others), and their signing probably make the Canadiens the smallest team in the league.

6. Dale Tallon and the Disappearing QOs

To sum up what has become a very complicated legal issue: Tallon was supposed to send his qualifying offers to potential RFAs in a certain way by a certain date. He did not abide by either of those guidelines, and because of it Calder nominee Kris Versteeg can potentially become a UFA 4 years before he’s supposed to, therefore able to garner a much higher salary than as an RFA.

To sum that up? Chicago is even more screwed than they were than when it was just Hossa.

7. Canucks sign Raycroft

Raycroft is the third-worst goaltender since the lockout by save percentage, following Dan “Most Beachball Photoshops Ever” Cloutier and Jussi Markkanen. I think that says it all. If not, go here for Mirtle’s take.

So, that sums it up. I’m sure that there will be more stupid deals as the summer goes on, but those were the ones that made me go LOLWUT as soon as I heard them. Feel free to add more in the comments, or disagree with me.