When, in the course of television broadcasting, it becomes necessary for the target audience of 18-49 year olds to alter their television habits which have connected them with a network, and to assume among the powers of the remote, the wide array of other networks that their cable or satellite subscription entitles them, a decent respect to the network requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the boycott.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all time zones are created equal, that people are endowed by their viewership with certain unalienable rights, that among these are live, quality, and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, Neilson ratings are instituted among networks, deriving their just powers from the television viewers. That whenever any network becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the viewers to complain or boycott it, and to switch to a different network, giving them the viewers and therefore the advertising revenue. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that networks long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown that viewers are more disposed to suffer, while bad programming is sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, making the viewer pissed off, it is their right, it is their duty, to boycott such network, and to watch illegal streams and torrents of their programming. Such has been the patient sufferance of these viewers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former viewing habits. The history of NBC is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over their viewers. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

They have refused to air the Olympic Opening Ceremonies live on the West Coast, despite the host city being in the same timezone, instead tape delaying the Ceremonies for three hours and allowing Them to be already posted on Youtube before those in the Pacific time zone could watch Them on television.

They have refused to air the Olympic events live on the West Coast, a practice that has not allowed the results of the events be a surprise.

They have aired the Michael Phelps races three hours later for West Coast back in 2008, despite the tape-delay making the races begin at 11pm or midnight instead of 8-9pm, which is a much more reasonable hour as well as being live.

They have ignored the effects of the internet on tape-delayed programming.

They have chosen to air the most anticipated of the men’s hockey group play games and one of the most anticipated non-medal event in the Olympics period, the game between Canada and the United States, on MSNBC and ice dancing on NBC.

They have repeatedly aired the footage of a man dying with little to no warning to the viewers.

They have chosen to have Boston and Philadelphia play each other in the Winter Classic, two teams that have little rivalry history, and who would be much better suited to play other teams.

They have decided to deny the Washington Captials in the Winter Classic, citing that the team would not attract good enough ratings, despite having one of the league’s most dynamic stars in Alexander Ovechkin.

They have refused to broadcast any Western Conference team other than the Detroit Red Wings or Chicago Blackhawks despite the West being an overall better conference over the past few seasons.

They have removed original scripted programming to install a fourth talk show in their nightly lineup.

They have broken Conan O’Brien’s contract just seven months into its term in order to reinstall Jay Leno to the Tonight Show despite Mr. Leno’s new talk show’s dismal ratings.

They have removed all of Mr. O’Brien’s Late Night video clips from Hulu and various other internet video websites.

They have strictly controlled all posting of their content on the internet and have not allowed a vast majority of it to be available to a viewer under any circumstances.

In every stage of these errors we have petitioned for change: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated mistakes. A network, whose identity is thus marked by every act which may define a wildly incompetent organization, is unfit to be a top network.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our fellow east coast viewers. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by the network to extend their sub-par and tape-delayed productions onto us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of their exclusive contracts with events and programs. We have appealed to their logic and sense of fairness, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common network availability to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our favorite programs. They too have been deaf to the voice of fairness and common sense. We must, therefore, refuse to watch their network.

We, therefore, the viewers of the United States of America, from our computers, appealing to the common sense of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people suffering through the programming decisions, solemly publish and declare, that these united viewers are, and of right ought to not suffer through inept decisions; that they are no longer confined to viewing the network for certain programming, and that all exclusive Olympic and NHL contracts between them and the governing bodies, ought to be totally dissolved. And for the support of this declaration we mutually pledge to each other our opinions, our rights, and our sacred honor.

As I live in a dorm, I can’t subscribe to Center Ice, and I’m hesitant about using torrents through the university’s internet connection. Well, I’m just hestitant about using torrents in general, but that’s just me. So I’m left with two options: quasi-legal internet streams and NHL Gamecenter. Not wanting to rely on third party streamers that could get shut down at any time (like they did mid-way through last season), I decided to invest in a season of NHL Gamecenter.

In the following table, I’ve broken down the games in terms of which broadcast feed Gamecenter uses. Yellow (or goldenrod, if you prefer) represents the Sharks broadcast. Gray is Versus. White represents the other teams’.

*Denotes that it was the only feed of the game

Obviously, there is a bit of discrepency. Through 20 games this season, the other team has gotten 13 broadcasts, the Sharks have 5, and Versus has the last 2.

In general, the NHL likes to use the feed of the away team, likely because fewer of those fans would be at the game and therefore not watching the broadcast on Gamecenter and such. That is certainly supported by the fact that the Sharks feed has not been picked up for one Sharks home game this year.

But the Sharks also have a lot more road games than home games – 12 road as opposed to 8 home – and so it would be logical that they’ve had more feeds on Gamecenter picked up. No dice.

The Sharks have played 60% of their games on the road thus far, yet they only have 25% of the Gamecenter feeds. Even if you take out the Versus broadcasts – which fans of both teams have to suffer through and aren’t availabe on Gamecenter – the Sharks still only represent 28% of the feeds. That’s a 32% discrepency.

Now, I’m a fan of Randy Hahn and Drew Remenda. I understand some other viewers, especially those who are fans of the opposing team, might not enjoy their occasional banter and in-jokes, but isn’t that the same with all regional announcers? I mean, there are a few that I don’t mind listening to – the Stars announcers, for one – but there are quite a few who I just find so annoying. And I don’t want to have to listen to them night after night, extolling the virtues of their own team while calling players on the Sharks “Vuhlasic,” “Veesee,” “Nuh-back-of,” and “Mar-LOW.” Or constantly mistaking Staubitz for McGinn. That kind of gets on my nerves after a while.

Anyways, back to Gamecenter. I’ll continue to keep track of which feed they choose to use throughout the season, giving periodic updates (notably at the half-way point). Hopefully, the disparity in which feed will even out by the end of the season.

The full Sharks schedule:

Every single one of these games I predicted would be on Versus outside of the Colorado game, but that was because I didn’t believe Versus had the rights to Thursdays.

Such is the life of a Californian hockey fan; there is not one national game televised from San Jose, one game is on the second half of a back-to-back, and one game is at the end of a 6 game road trip. Granted, this is pretty much standard for all hockey fans west of the Mississippi; only seven games are broadcasted from east of the Mississippi, and all seven are of either the Dallas Stars or the Colorado Avalanche.

This is despite having the highest-rated regular season game in Versus history against the Bruins, and having a nationally watched (if not broadcast) game against the Red Wings. They won the President’s Trophy, set several NHL records, and completely dominated other teams. And yet only four nationally televised games.

The entire national televised system is messed up – Versus acts like the Western Conference is the red-headed step-child of the NHL, and NBC just refuses to acknowledge that there is a west of the Mississippi. The NHL should mandate a minimum number of Western Conference games that have to be broadcast – and I don’t mean pseudo-west teams like Detroit and Chicago, who get a whole bunch of games anyways. I mean trying to get more people to know about the teams on the west coast. Yes, there are hockey teams there. They are actually pretty competitive. And there are fans who probably love hockey just as much – if not more – than those teams who are in those markets who get a half-dozen or more Versus/NBC games.

I don’t know why I am even advocating for more national games – the announcers Versus choose are always annoying and no nothing about the teams they are talking about, particularly the Sharks. But the complete imbalance in games broadcast is unfair, and the NHL needs to rectify it.

As I consider myself somewhat of a television connoisseur, here is a list I have compiled of shows that I have found to replace my daily dose of hockey. Only in terms of time, of course, since nothing can really replace the awesomeness.

Regular Season Show You Need to Get Caught Up On
Chuck
I started watching the show after I saw the previews for it a few years ago. It was like, “Hey, nerd guy somehow becomes a spy. That’s pretty sweet.” In the first episode, there was a completely awesome car chase involving a Prius. In the second, a car exploded. Oh, and that’s all wrapped up in witty comedic banter and enough workplace shenanigans to put The Office to shame. The show got a little heavy on the mythology in the second half of the second season, but other than that its rather easy to watch it as you like. “Chuck Versus the Alma Mater” and “Chuck Versus the Colonel” are two of my favorite episodes, but I suggest not watching the latter until you’ve really gotten into the show.

Its Canadian, Eh
The Listener
As an import from Canada, the show is about a paramedic who can read minds, and so he suddenly decides to become Mr. Detective. Obviously, like most shows that deal with secret identities/hidden abilities, he raises suspicions from people. It has a fairly basic criminal mystery set-up that you can find in literally any crime-based show, but that’s not the draw. The thing is, the lead guy (Craig Olejnik) is insanely hot. Most of the time, I’m not even paying attention to the story, instead just admiring his face or the way he looks in his uniform.

Reality TV
So You Think You Can Dance
I know, I know. Its reality tv, a genre that has been over-done this past decade and needs to die. Except, this show is different. The reality series is currently in its fifth season, and has only gotten better as the years have gone by. It draws its inspiration from American Idol, in that talented individuals compete for America’s vote. The thing is, all the dancers that make it into the top twenty are insanely talented and most have had years of training. Watching them attempt styles outside of their own is a treat, especially when they end up like the Table Dance, Bleeding Love, and so on. Oh, and my pick for the winner this season? Evan Kasprzak, a Fred Astaire-like dancer. Yeah, that good.

At Least There’s Hockey
Bones
Okay, okay, I admit – this CSI-like series isn’t exactly the first place I’d look for my hockey fix, but its there. The male lead (Seeley Booth) loves hockey; he has several hockey photos in his office, had a hallucination of playing with Luc Robataille, plays in his rec league, and owns a framed (and presumably signed) Mario Lemieux jersey. And then besides that, it has a great will-they-won’t-they romance dynamic between the two leads while they solve mysteries. Well-written, with a great group of supporting characters, and the plot doesn’t get too murder-heavy for those who can’t take it. “Fire in the Ice” is the most hockey-heavy episode there is, as the entire episode revolves around hockey, but all the episodes are good, albeit in a less-hockey manner.

Hey I Saw This on YouTube!
Whose Line Is It Anyways?
This brilliantly simple show was canceled back in 2003 because of low ratings (most likely due to being up against the insanely popular Friends), and not because it got any less funny. I’d actually rate the show as the funniest thing I’ve seen, hands-down. The basis of the show is that it gets four comedians (Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Wayne Brady, and some guest comedian) to act out things based on suggestions written on cards. So, yeah, its improv. Amazing improv, at that. Oh, and the reason for the category? You can find virtually any game played on the show on youtube. PLUS, you can also find hilarious (if NSFW) outtakes that include Bill Cosby and Hitler being roommates for a sitcom. Yes, totally serious about that.