I’ve posted stuff for the Miracle on Ice in the past – here is an essay I wrote for a college app once upon a time that examined the political and social implications of the game, here are wallpapers that I posted yesterday, and here are two banners from way back when.

What makes this anniversary so great and prominent, besides the fact that it’s the 30th, is because of an event that happened last night. It was a big event unto itself, no matter what the outcome: the Canada and USA men’s hockey teams were battling it out in the Olympics. Not in a medal game or an elimination round, but just the preliminaries that serve only to establish seeding. Basically, a meaningless game. But Canada was expected to win, and win big – and they didn’t. The US pulled out a 5-3 win on the back of two Brian Rafalski goals and some stellar Ryan Miller goaltending.

That was the celebration after an empty-net goal. No, seriously.

Second-most viewed hockey game in the US since the Miracle on Ice, and second only to the US-Canada gold medal game back in 2002. Pretty impressive, considering it was on MSNBC, which a lot of people don’t even get. Something like 30% of Canada watched it.

But really, this post wasn’t meant to be about last night’s game. As Brian Burke said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “You don’t win any medals from being first in the preliminaries.” Next Sunday is the gold medal game. It is only possible for one of Canada, Russia, and Sweden (the three favorites going into the Olympics) to play in it. This is going to be fun.

But the highlight hands-down goes to Sharks play-by-play announcer Randy Hahn, who decided to acknowledge the Sabres fans watching the broadcast with an absolutely horrible impression of Rick Jeanneret.

Sorry for the horrible quality; I shot the video with my phone off of my computer screen. But I think it still manages to capture the spirit of the impression, don’t you?

The only image that comes up when searching for this game.

I have two posts that I’m working on right now, folks, but last night something happened that prompted me to post a little earlier.

9-1.

Just roll that around in your head for a moment. Say it out loud, let the words roll off your tongue. “Nine to one.” That was the score of the Sharks-Flames game last night, a game between two playoff teams that should have been a lot closer. A franchise-record eight different players scored for the Sharks in the rout. Every player on the second and third lines scored at least a goal and assist. Heatley was the only player on the top line to score a goal. Joe Thornton only got one assist. And Torrey Mitchell, Jody Shelley, Kent Huskins, Marc-Edouard Vlasic, Evgeni Nabokov, and Thomas Greiss were the only players on the Sharks roster that did not get at least a point – and two of those players are goalies.

Just take a look at the box score:

1st Period
04:07     SJS     Joe Pavelski (10) Wrist Shot – Assists: D. Murray (9) & J. Ortmeyer (6)
06:20     SJS     Manny Malhotra (8) Wrist Shot – Assists: D. Boyle (30) & J. Pavelski (14)
14:34     SJS     Scott Nichol (2) Backhand – Assists: D. Setoguchi (6) & R. Blake (10)
2nd Period
12:36     SJS     Jed Ortmeyer (5) Wrist Shot – Assists: S. Nichol (7) & R. Clowe (22)
16:49     SJS     PPG – Dany Heatley (28) Wrist Shot – Assists: D. Boyle (31) & J. Thornton (51)
18:36     SJS     Ryane Clowe (11) Slap Shot – Assists: S. Nichol (8) & J. Ortmeyer (7)
3rd Period
04:48     SJS     Devin Setoguchi (13) Backhand – Assists: J. Pavelski (15) & M. Malhotra (10)
07:41     CGY     Robyn Regehr (1) Slap Shot – Assists: N. Dawes (15) & O. Jokinen (22)
14:06     SJS     PPG – Rob Blake (3) Slap Shot – Assists: J. Pavelski (16) & B. Staubitz (3)
14:39     SJS     Dany Heatley (29) Backhand – Assists: J. Leach (1) & P. Marleau (20)

That’s kind of awesome.

What also makes this game great is that after a ridiculously long period without secondary scoring (it was something like 10 games without someone besides the top line and Boyle scoring a goal), it comes in droves. Seemingly every player on the team “busted a schnide,” as Randy Hahn repeated over and over, probably the most repeated phrase, even more than “HE SCORES!” It became a drinking game, causing many a Sharks fan to become completely drunk by the time the game was over.

Some of the best moments (besides the scoring, of course), came from Randy Hahn and Drew Remenda and their hilarious calls. Drew’s best call probably was after the fourth goal, stating that “Devin Setoguchi’s haircut has released the dragon.” As Seto shaved his head to get out of a slump (which was ended by him scoring two goals against Edmonton), it seemed like everyone was getting out of a slump against the other Albertan team. Hell, even Robyn Regehr on the Flames got out of a 150-something game goal drought, a schnide that Randy Hahn described as one of “Biblical proportions.”

And hands-down the best goal of the night goes to the man whose haircut started it all:

Okay, so it’s only Christmas for around 10 more minutes, so sue me. Anyways, I decided to try and make a song parody and record my efforts for all to enjoy. And then I realized that my singing would probably bring the opposite of enjoyment, so I didn’t record it or make a video. But if you want to, go ahead! While the tune is a Christmas standard, the lyrics are not, so who cares if Christmas is over in 7 minutes.

You know Thornton and Seto
And Boyle and Heatley
Murray and Vlasic
And Huskins and Nabby
But do you recall
The most beastly player of all?

Marleau the hockey player
(player)
Scored a lot of pretty goals
(like shorthanded)
Whenever he’d try to score
(to score)
He would find the goalie’s holes
(like Tiger Woods)
All of the other teams’ fans
(teams’ fans)
Accused him of choking hard
(like a necklace)
They never held poor Marleau
(Marleau)
In a very high regard
(like Joe Thornton)

Then one sunny New Years Eve
Stevie came to say
(Yes yes yes)
Patty with your skills so tight
Won’t you join my team tonight?
Then Canadians loved him
(loved him)
And they shouted with a fuss
(Hoo-ah!)
Marleau the hockey player
(player)
You will bring the gold to us!
(like Joe Sakic!)

But if you want official Sharks Christmas awesomeness, click here. Featuring Slappy along with Rob Blake, Patrick Marleau, Dany Heatley, and Joe Thornton, it is simply hilarious. “That dummy’s brilliant.” Or, if you want to go vintage, there’s also the following video:

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Not very news-worthy, but Pavelski is pretty cute. Also didn’t think that his best subject in school would be art.

But the best part?

Drew: Gold in Vancouver.
Pavs: [smiles] Absolutely.

I hope that he’s on the Olympic team. He does have 8 points in 7 games, and is owning in faceoffs (61.3%) while being one of the best two-way players in the league. But I’ve written about this before.

Some highlights:

Drew: Most embarrassing moment in hockey?
Scott: Missing on an empty net.
Drew: When?
Scott: Me? I never miss on those!

Already an upgrade on about 2/3 of our bottom 6 last year. And I’m totally serious – the Sharks couldn’t score on an empty net if their lives depended on it. Mike Grier actually hit the post on an empty net breakaway once (and yes, he was actually on a breakaway).

Drew: At what age should kids start dating?
Scott: Boys or girls?
Drew: Both.
Scott: Girls, never. And boys, maybe 18.

If you didn’t know Scott had at least one daughter already, you do now.

Drew: Biggest offensive threat – Dan Boyle or Douglas Murray?
Scott: What are you going by, preseason or regular season? Dan Boyle, probably.

I have a feeling that Murray’s preseason hat trick is going to be a recurring joke among Sharks players this season. Hell, it’s already a running joke among fans.

Drew: Team you hate playing against?
Scott: Detroit.
Drew: Player you hate playing against?
Scott: All of Detroit.

And thus, Scott Nichol is a good product of the Central Division, and hates Detroit. He will fit in well here.