Made specifically for the playoff run as an updated version of my previous Zoolander gif.

Suck It Russell Martin. Also, first time experimenting with animating.

Initially only had Timmy, I added Zito and Cain in.

Matt Cain as Citizen Kane.

First major gif undertaking, inspired the earlier playoff gif.

Velez ran into Russell Martin at the plate. Therefore, Suck It Russell Martin.

Bochy and Uribe do a handshake before a game.

Uribe decides to dance before a game.

Freddy Sanchez reacts to Denny Bautista getting a hit.

Lincecum amuses himself on an off-day by trying to stuff as much gum in his mouth as he can. Cain helps.

Sandoval makes a horrible baserunning error. Man, I’m glad I can look back on this and laugh.

Huff hits a homer to all but destroy the Rockies’ hopes of coming back, and reacts to the sudden silencing of the Rockies fans.

Molina’s dream becomes his worst nightmare.

Affeldt laughs at an ugly finder that goes into the Rockies’ dugout.

He ain’t havin’ it.

First time making a gif without gifsoup; Bumgarner is mad.

Sergio Romo and Amy G. Enough said.

Amy G’s disapproving finger shake to Romo.

Kovalchuk signed a 17 year, $100M contract with the Devils that has been since rejected by the NHL.

Blackhawks continue to blow up their team.

Sharks have re-signed RFA Steve Zalewski to a league minimum, two-way contract.

…And that’s pretty much it for big/Sharks-related news in the NHL. Now excuse me, I’m going to go tan on the beach. If the sun ever comes out, that is.

Oh, and I swear, the Sharks are the only team that gets bandwagoners only when they’re doing bad. Things going normal, they’re winning games, and it’s just the regulars. Sharks lose 8-2, and BOOM! Dozens of people come out the cracks just to piss and moan, using phrases such as “choke,” “no heart,” and “lose in the playoffs.” Same thing happened last year during the Anaheim series. If the Sharks actually win the Stanley Cup, will they lose fans?

By the way, the Gamecenter standings will be put on indefinite hiatus because of a long story that ends with my subscription accidentally being canceled. Anyone who wants to keep up with them, or do them for their own team and send them to me, be my guest.

The only image that comes up when searching for this game.

I have two posts that I’m working on right now, folks, but last night something happened that prompted me to post a little earlier.

9-1.

Just roll that around in your head for a moment. Say it out loud, let the words roll off your tongue. “Nine to one.” That was the score of the Sharks-Flames game last night, a game between two playoff teams that should have been a lot closer. A franchise-record eight different players scored for the Sharks in the rout. Every player on the second and third lines scored at least a goal and assist. Heatley was the only player on the top line to score a goal. Joe Thornton only got one assist. And Torrey Mitchell, Jody Shelley, Kent Huskins, Marc-Edouard Vlasic, Evgeni Nabokov, and Thomas Greiss were the only players on the Sharks roster that did not get at least a point – and two of those players are goalies.

Just take a look at the box score:

1st Period
04:07     SJS     Joe Pavelski (10) Wrist Shot – Assists: D. Murray (9) & J. Ortmeyer (6)
06:20     SJS     Manny Malhotra (8) Wrist Shot – Assists: D. Boyle (30) & J. Pavelski (14)
14:34     SJS     Scott Nichol (2) Backhand – Assists: D. Setoguchi (6) & R. Blake (10)
2nd Period
12:36     SJS     Jed Ortmeyer (5) Wrist Shot – Assists: S. Nichol (7) & R. Clowe (22)
16:49     SJS     PPG – Dany Heatley (28) Wrist Shot – Assists: D. Boyle (31) & J. Thornton (51)
18:36     SJS     Ryane Clowe (11) Slap Shot – Assists: S. Nichol (8) & J. Ortmeyer (7)
3rd Period
04:48     SJS     Devin Setoguchi (13) Backhand – Assists: J. Pavelski (15) & M. Malhotra (10)
07:41     CGY     Robyn Regehr (1) Slap Shot – Assists: N. Dawes (15) & O. Jokinen (22)
14:06     SJS     PPG – Rob Blake (3) Slap Shot – Assists: J. Pavelski (16) & B. Staubitz (3)
14:39     SJS     Dany Heatley (29) Backhand – Assists: J. Leach (1) & P. Marleau (20)

That’s kind of awesome.

What also makes this game great is that after a ridiculously long period without secondary scoring (it was something like 10 games without someone besides the top line and Boyle scoring a goal), it comes in droves. Seemingly every player on the team “busted a schnide,” as Randy Hahn repeated over and over, probably the most repeated phrase, even more than “HE SCORES!” It became a drinking game, causing many a Sharks fan to become completely drunk by the time the game was over.

Some of the best moments (besides the scoring, of course), came from Randy Hahn and Drew Remenda and their hilarious calls. Drew’s best call probably was after the fourth goal, stating that “Devin Setoguchi’s haircut has released the dragon.” As Seto shaved his head to get out of a slump (which was ended by him scoring two goals against Edmonton), it seemed like everyone was getting out of a slump against the other Albertan team. Hell, even Robyn Regehr on the Flames got out of a 150-something game goal drought, a schnide that Randy Hahn described as one of “Biblical proportions.”

And hands-down the best goal of the night goes to the man whose haircut started it all:

However, he hasn’t had much playoff success. The word “choker” has been tossed around once or twice… per minute. Most of that comes from his time in Boston, when he was a rookie/playing with broken ribs, but that really doesn’t matter to a populace who bases their entire opinion on a single (post) season (see: Datsyuk, Pavel). He’s averaged almost a PPG pace since coming to SJ in the playoffs despite the team never going past the second round, but that doesn’t matter, apparently.

Anyways, for some reason, the slightly crazy good folks over at HF Boards posted a few threads on Thornton, largely because he’s been dominating this year and pretty much a lock for Team Canada, to some posters’ chagrin. And then the three or so threads dedicated to him exploded, until we were left with this sight:

Is Joe Thornton the new Rich Peverley? Doubt it, if only because the denizens at HF Boards need their whipping boy, but still.

Note: Most of these threads have been deleted already, and any poster who creates another pointless Joe Thornton thread will be banned for at least 30 days, maybe even permanently. Just the man trying to keep Joe Thornton down, but I’d do as they say. Because really, where else can you propose Kaberle, Hagman, and Toskala for Bobby Ryan, Giguere, a 1st and a prospect and be completely serious?

But while post-season failure is something that many teams share, there is a unique statistical oddity that surrounds the Sharks. Out of the seventeen seasons that the franchise has been in existence, the Sharks have made the playoffs twelve times – a respectable 70.6%. And, as they have never won the Cup, they have been eliminated by twelve different teams. The number of teams that have won the Stanley Cup after beating the Sharks? Zero.

That’s right, any team that has played a playoff game in what is known as the “Shark Tank,” has never gone on to win the Stanley Cup, whether its the Sharks themselves or the teams that draw them. The first few times, well, it could be excused as a coincidence. But now that it has happened a dozen times, well, I think this moves into “curse” territory – not so much a curse on the Sharks, but a curse on any team that has the misfortune of drawing the Sharks.

Now, here are some stats to show that I’m not just spouting off some BS.

The first time the Sharks made the playoffs in 1994, the season after setting an NHL record for most losses, they surprised everyone and beat the first-seeded Wings in 7 games (Jamie Baker’s GWG still stands as the most important goal scored in franchise history). The Sharks then lost to Toronto in the second round in seven games. The next round? Toronto lost to the Canucks in five.

The next year, the Sharks beat the Flames in 7, and then was swept by Detroit. Detroit then went on to win in five games over Chicago to go to the Finals. What happened next? They were swept by New Jersey, and a certain Claude Lemieux won the Conn Smythe.

The Sharks missed the playoffs for the next two years, and then made it as the eighth seed in 1998. They lost to Dallas in six, and then Dallas won in five over the Oilers. The next round? Lost to Detroit in six.

In 1999, the Sharks lost to Colorado in six. The Avalanche then won over Detroit in six, and lost to Dallas in seven.

In 2000, the Sharks beat the top-seaded Blues in seven, and then promptly lost to Dallas in five. Dallas beat Colorado in seven, and then fell to the Devils in six in the Finals.

The Sharks lost in six to the Blues in 2001, and then the Blues promptly lost in five to the Avalanche.

The Sharks won their division for the first time in 2002, and beat Phoenix in five. They lost to Colorado in seven in the semifinals, and Colorado lost in the next round to Detroit in seven.

After missing the playoffs the year before, the Sharks went the furthest in the playoffs in franchise history in 2004, making the Western Conference finals after dispatching the Blues in five and the Avalanche in six. They fell to the Flames in six, but then the Flames lost to the Lightning in the Finals in seven.

With the lockout in 04-05, the next Sharks playoffs run was in 2006, where they won over the Predators in five, but lost to the Roloson-led Oilers in six. The Oilers went on to beat the then-Mighty Ducks in five, but lost to the Hurricanes in seven in the Finals.

The next season, the Sharks drew the Predators again in the first round, once again eliminating them in five. They then drew the Wings and lost in six. The Wings then lost to the no-longer-mighty Ducks in six in the Conference Finals.

In 2008, the Sharks won the first round match-up against the Flames in seven games, and then lost to the Stars in six (Game 6 being the eighth-longest game in NHL history). The Stars promptly lost to Detroit in six.

This season, the Sharks drew the Ducks and lost in six. The Ducks went on to lose to the Red Wings in seven, continuing the curse.

Out of all the teams, that beat the Sharks, one lost in the semi-finals, seven lost in the conference finals, and four lost in the Cup finals. The large number of conference finals losers can be explained by the fact that out of the twelve playoff berths, the Sharks lost in the second round seven times, although it should be noted that some of those teams went on to the Cup Finals while some of the teams the Sharks lost to in the first round were eliminated in the Conference Finals.

This phenomenon is more than just a coincidence, and should make it that much more imposing for other teams: the knowledge that if you are unlucky enough to draw the Sharks in the playoffs, you will not win the Cup that year. Doesn’t matter what happens in the series, whether a team sweeps the Sharks or wins in a 7 game squeaker, if they play at the Tank they will not win the Cup.

And that is the Curse of the Shark Tank.

Not anymore. The blog was formerly considered secondary to the content, but now I realize that the blog is the content. It is a medium through which I can express my thoughts and ideas, my feelings on a situation that would seem out of place anywhere else. There will be no shying away from controversy; instead, I will bask in it. Mark Purdy is an idiot – there you go! Actually, that’s not really all that controversial. Its more of an accepted fact.

Anyways, I hope to be gracing you with my thoughts at least twice a week, and hopefully more during the summer – daily, even. And I hope somebody actually reads it. Seriously, how discouraging is it to write something that could be the next Great American Novel and nobody reads it? Not that I’ll be spouting off any fiction.

Peace.