Little-known fact: the actual quote is “Houston, we’ve had a problem,” but Ron Howard (the director of Apollo 13) didn’t think it conveyed enough urgency since it implied that the problem was in the past.

Usually, I’m a sucker for details (like the size of Central Park relative to small countries in Europe), but this time I think the slightly modified version is best suited for the issue at hand. Because, like the exploded oxygen tank, this problem sure as hell isn’t going to go away without some sort of effort.

The Sharks went into Vancouver while on a three game losing streak, the latest loss being an epic collapse to Minnesota. Surely that would be enough to light a fire under their bellies? Er, I guess not. The Sharks came out completely uninspired, with about the same intensity as a burned-out lightbulb. So, Canucks, you want to stay in our zone the whole period? We’re down with that! And tell you what – we’ll even throw in a few sloppy penalties and horrible defense coverage to help you get a few goals.

The second period was a penalty parade for the Sharks. That’s all I can really remember about it, since that’s all that really happened. Oh, and Joe Thornton scored on the power play, but Rob Blake got injured in the process. Yeah, its one of those games. Really, I would much rather have been shut out than to have Blake injured again.

Third period was more uninspired action, led by the captain of unispiriation, Joe Thornton. The guy was just not trying at all – don’t let the goal fool you. The one time the guy got a lucky break – a one-on-one chance to cut the lead back down to one – he chose to wait for everyone to get in. Thanks Joe, but this isn’t freaking Barney. You don’t want to share the puck with everyone. Oh, and the Canucks ruined the only thing the Sharks had going for them – a perfect PK – by scoring on the power play. 

The good? Pavelski was clutch as a pseudo-goalie when they were hemmed in their own zone while Boucher was pulled in the final two minutes. Jamie McGinn played like a man possessed, obviously not wanting to be sent back down to Worcester, and got quite a few scoring chances because of it. Blake broke up some key odd-man rushes from defensive breakdowns before he got injured. Murray played pretty well on those odd-man rushes as well – that falling poke-check was clutch. Moen debuted pretty well on the PK, getting a great short-handed scoring chance.

…That’s pretty sad when the highlights of the game are directly tied to horrible play.

Now, the bad.

Like I said before, Joe Thornton needs to wake the hell up. I saw practically no effort from him, despite the goal. Oh, you have a breakaway? Sure, just stop skating and wait for everyone to get in the zone. Race for the puck? Don’t try to get it at all, it doesn’t matter anyways. You’re just going to turn it over on one of your passes through four defenders. Oh, but lets not even bother with that pretence anymore, why don’t you just pass the puck directly to the other team? Its the same outcome.

Marleau, well, I don’t know what he needs to do, except to score more. He’s been getting the chances, he just hasn’t been able to capitalize on them. Its that extra second he takes to settle the puck that’s been hurting, as well as the lack of drive to the net. GO TO THE FREAKING NET! Same goes for every forward out there not named Ryane Clowe or Joe Pavelski, who are the only mainstays out there.

Seto, with his offense tapering off, seems to be focused on gaining the team lead in hits. Great! Except that you are missing your defensive coverage and some offensive chances that you could have gotten have you not taken that hit. Here’s a hint: always play the puck before you play the body. This goes for all the hit-happy players out there, who cause the puck to roll out of the zone because of some boneheaded physical play they feel like making. Yes, we know that the team’s reputation is soft – that’s okay, as long as you win! We all know that pretty much any player can and will throw the gloves down with anyone if necessary. But that shouldn’t be the focus – it should be smart, offensive-minded plays where you beat the guy by scoring on him. It doesn’t matter how many hits you have if you lose the game.

Clowe, Pavelski, and Michalek are often the only guys on the ice that do anything. Which is great, except sometimes they get lazy and don’t battle as hard for the pucks in the corners (which, BTW, is a trend sweeping the team – “Oh, a puck in the corner? Fuck that.”) or make smart decisions with the puck. But that could be said one hundred times over for the rest of the team. I guess you could say that they are the least sucky in a team filled with suck.

Aside from the sheer work ethic that Cheechoo and McGinn had, and the PK work that Moen did, the bottom two lines were invisible. Which is a good thing in some cases (Staubitz), but the fact that it took me a while to realize what they were (Moen-Plihal-Cheechoo, Shelley-McGinn-Staubitz) is never a good sign. Hell, I even forgot that Plihal was playing. Yeah, they aren’t big-name scoring threats like the top two lines are, but they should still be noticable. The offense shouldn’t be a hockey version of Where’s Waldo.

The defense traded off between horrible and amazing all night. Blake and Murray kept breaking up all these odd-man rushes like nobody’s business, but it begs the question as to why there were so many. Boyle had 9 shots (including that falling down spin-o-rama), but took two horrible penalties. Vlasic was his usual invisible yet effective self, while Semenov started showing signs of his earlier season form. Lukowich kept trading off between smart defensive coverage and dumb mistakes that led to goals.

Boucher makes me bipolar. Honestly, sometimes he’s amazing and all I can say is “Wow.” Five minutes later, he lets in a soft one and I curse out the TV. He definitely has regained some of his confidence from that horrible bouncer against Minnesota, but he still is prone to make mistakes. But its not like the rest of the team is mistake-free, just that when he makes mistakes, a red light flashes over his head

WTF is with the penalties? I mean, there has been some bad reffing, but come on – there was some legit horrible play there that keeps costing them. Keep your sticks down, hands off the bodies, and stop being stupid. The PK is good, true, but there’s going to be a goal eventually AND very little opportunity to have any offense. The sad thing? For the first period, the most offense the Sharks had was on the PK. I was actually advocating to my friend that the Sharks should be short-handed for the rest of the game, if it meant multiple scoring chances by both Moen and Marleau. But hey – Staubitz didn’t take any penalties! Amazing, isn’t it?

And that just leads me into my rant.

This team’s drive is gone. Dissappeared. Coming to the side of a milk carton near you. Remember earlier in the season when the Sharks would go on these 9 game win streaks? That was a team with drive. That was a team that wanted to prove itself to the world, that it could kick ass and take names and nobody could do anything about it. The top line played like a top line, leading the way and setting an example night after night with inspired play. Offense was generated from three lines, and the fourth line did its part defensively. The defense joined the rush and shot pucks on net, and the forwards would put home the rebounds.

Now? The puck is lazily brought across the red line, shot into a corner, where one forward will go and try – and fail – to get the puck out and give it to a teammate. The puck is brought out, the other team gets a scoring chance, and then somehow the Sharks get the puck again. Repeat as needed.

They’ve proven they can play better than this. Yeah, there are injuries, but its not like the Sharks were totally healthy during those stretches in October and November. Cheechoo, Grier, Goc, Nabokov – all out at one point or another. Same thing now, only its being used as a crutch. Why? They are better than most teams (although that belief is being seriously called into question) and they should prove it by playing well no matter what the adversity may be.

In summary, the Sharks need to pull their shit together. I’m tired of hearing excuses and empty promises. Where’s the team that I had fun watching every night? 2008? Because that just won’t cut it.